Ooooh, don't you just hate it when you know that things are going well for you, but it doesn't feel like they are. My general mood today has been good to slightly tired to apprehensive. I got up early. I had to call the new office and tell them that the old office had cleared me for starting on Monday. Should have been good, but the person I spoke with was not excited and seemed to want to get off the phone quickly for some reason. Okay...fine, I'm still vaguely excited, if not extremely nervous about it now.
I had lunch with an old, good friend from Ex-work. This was probably the highlight of the day. Lunch was not great which is crappy because I spent money on out food and it was just kind of 'meh'. I had a veggie burger because I am trying to go slightly meatless if I eat out --it is just better for me. I also fudged on this and had a pumpkin pie shake, which I used to love, that kind of made me feel ill and gross. I still looked great and my friend said as much. (Update, bought a new top and it is a Small) Their dating advice was, "We need to get you out where people can SEE you then you will get a date, for sure." Huh, okay, I thought that a hot picture was enough, now I am supposed to wander out to a meat market -Sigh-. When I mentioned this to my roommate she said, "Well, it's not as if you're really looking anyway. Plus, you will never find anyone while you are still going out with your Ex." So, I calmly explained that I had, in fact, been looking and that the Ex was 'just a friend', which he is. Gheesh. There is no pleasing anyone.
It is also a little less than pleasing to me that all the guys I have been talking to seem to have these super huge flaws. Sure, he was really nice and funny...oh, and has spinabifida. (Which also then makes me feel guilty and awful that I don't like him because he's in a wheelchair and I can't deal with that---which makes me a bad person). And that dude had cute things to say, but he's 55 yrs old and resembles an old leather glove. That's 22 yrs difference, so now I am a horrible ageist, as well. Oh, and just throw lookist on top of that, too, while we're self-flagellating ourselves about it. I swear, the more I look, the worse I seem to be as a person. Then there is the simple fending off of beer gut douchebag who says smarmy things and the four to five guys who don't e-mail me, when I e-mail them, after checking out my profile. Somedays it is just too hard to deal with, so I ignore it. Then get lonely, or this day, realize that we will become hella busy and feel pressured to get something started before I have no time at all for 'Mr. Right', shit or even 'Mr. Right Now".
I swear I am about to start asking people seriously, "So, what do you think is wrong with me?" Then tallying it all up and just pretending. Just be thin, pretty with good teeth, and never open my mouth again. Would that bloody well do it? I just have no idea anymore. I would love to say it didn't get me down and that it doesn't matter at all to me, but it does and it does. So, I will simply concentrate on other things and see if that helps. Nothing like ignoring a problem until you are too old to do anything about it. At least, I can still laugh about it, that's something I guess.
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