Issues....

Up late night tonight. As usual you don't find me on here unless I have some kind of issue. Which we kind of have in spades, just all the way around. Well. kind of. So, my roomies are moving. This is a good thing and a bad thing. I am staying put and getting a new roomie. She is another sister so it will be pretty much the same, in some ways I guess. But, it will mean more privacy for me, which I think is good. I would like to be able to invite a dude over once in a while.

Oh, yeah and still single, in case people were wondering, but not totally single. There is the ever-present Nerd Prince who has been lots of fun like usual and a kind of new guy. This is were my problem lies, as usual. Now, when I was fooling around with Mr. EU/PA I didn't really have a feeling of conflict as I was not really interested in a relationship with him. There was a development with the aforementioned 'doctor', whose title is more like Mr. English, as I like that one better. Mr. English is interesting, somewhat older, but has a lot of the same issues as most boys. He made a nice recovery from the "Dating Anger" blog with an articulate apology or explanation of what he really meant, so I have gone a couple more dates with him. He moves slowly.....very slowly, so for a fast mover, like me, that can, and is at times, very frustrating. However, I like him, so I am moving slowly with it and playing very casual about it --even if he doesn't really want to see me more than once a week and I have weird suspicions about whether I am the only girl he is seeing right now.

So, now I am having an issue about whether to tell my Nerd Prince about Mr. English. Now, this is not for the exact same reason I didn't want to tell him about Mr. EU/PA, because what I have with my prince is wonderful and comforting and comfortable and he is my very best guy friend I have ever had -ever. However, this with Mr. English is different from what I had with Mr. EU/PA. Mr. EU/PA never made it past three dates, even if we fooled around. Mr. English is on date five with me and we are starting to discuss things like sex and long term plans, goals and past histories -deep stuff with the intention of moving forward into some kind of relationship. I have even told him about my Nerd Prince and the fact that we dated previously but are still tight friends, which he said he had no problem with (at least now).

But, I cannot seem to get up the balls to tell the Nerd Prince about it. I can't cause that boy pain, it makes me want to die. He has problems of his own and I wouldn't want to cause him even a moment of discomfort, plus, there is the chance...just a chance, mind you, that he would react in a couple of ways I could not handle, like turning around and telling me he liked me more than friends at this point (even if he has said he didn't want to date me on like three different occasions) or freaking out and not talking to me anymore --both of which would make me absolutely crazy.

However, it could be nothing. Like I said, I have sneaking suspicions I am not the only girl Mr. English is going out with, although I have not asked him about it. People who have been cheated on get suspicious. I am pretty relaxed about it, but there are little things like this seeing each other once week thing or the fact that I have no idea what he does all day, but he e-mails only every once in a while and (just like Mr. EU/PA) says he doesn't check it often, which simply says intense lack of interest to me, which I hate. As we have stated before, I am sick to death of having to work for it all the time --if you're interested, act fucking interested...I mean I do, why is reciprocation so difficult on that. So, this could be another one that will simply crash and burn like the rest and, if so, why do I need to get my panties all in a bunch and tell my Nerd Prince about it when I think it might only upset him....Hmmm, I will have to think more on it.

St Pat's C-family Style!

Me, Dad, and Sis

Me, Mom, and D

A, Me, Mom, and D

Sis and Me

Sis

Sister A

Sister D

Gawd, I am such a bada$$.

Family, hanging out.

T and Sis and Roscoe

Happy St Pat's Everybody!

Dating Anger

So, is all fair in love and war? I really would like to know. I mean it, because if there are no rules anymore then what the hell am I doing playing fair. Really. I do know one thing. There is no room for excitement anymore. If you get excited about a date or a guy, they will completely let you down --and do you know why? Because your excitement is not seen as a good thing --it's a vile, annoying slew of e-mails which they have not the time nor the inclination to read or reply to, then it's seen as absolute crazy, clingy psycho behaviour. When really, it was just you trying to let them know that you liked them or thought they were cool.

My date on Sunday night went well. At least I thought it went well. I e-mailed a thank you to him after the date on Sunday night because I am polite and had a nice time. He let me know that he was very busy the next couple days. Okay, I understand that. I e-mailed again on Tuesday a funny little cartoon, short e-mail. I sent him today a little e-mail with some songs in it I liked, hardly any text at all. I got back something that said basically that he did not check his e-mail often (oh, hey S what are you doing back here again) and not to take offense if he didn't reply or that I should take offense about it now if I were "truly psychotic/needy/desperate/"cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" so that he would know right away that I was crazy. I wrote him back and said that I did know he was busy and that the little things I had not expected a reply on, they were just to be fun, nice things. Blah, blah, blah. And that was it. But, yeah, the damage was done. I took time to talk to him and try to make him happy and it gets thrown back in my face and I get called desperate and psychotic for being excited about somebody I thought was a nice guy.

So, I was feeling disappointed, let down once again, and disillusioned which prompted me to get on the pay site and see what had been happening in my absence as I had not gotten on in a while because Mr. New Guy had told me that his subscription was ending so he gave me his real e-mail and I had been using that. And do you know what? When I got on I find that he has viewed my profile within the last hour. WTF. So, let me get this straight...you are far too busy to communicate with me but not too busy to get on the dating website and hunt around for better. It made me sick to my stomach. I don't understand how these guys keep fooling me into thinking that they are worth my time and excitement. They're not, they're awful. Now, I am severely disappoint and feel a lot like crying. Okay, so I am somewhat hormonal today and I am crying. It's the price to be paid in order to make that emotional withdrawal from it. What a lousy jerk.

And this guy is not half as gentlemanly as the Nerd Prince or half as attractive as Mr. EU/PA. I don't know what I was thinking honestly. No, no, what I was thinking was, "I'll give him a shot, he's older, more mature, and will treat me well." But, I was lying to myself again. I saw things that weren't there. I hurt myself and am bleeding for it. I don't think I will talk to him again. I am really very upset about this.

Glasses

I am terrible. I have not been blogging. Really it should be easy, but I have some good excuses this time. The weekend was very busy actually, Most of it involved fun activities with the Nerd Prince who was really top notch good times all weekend.

There was a bit of a new development on the dating front as I got a number of e-mails and finally a date with a gentlemen hence forth to be known as 'The Doctor', as he is dangerously close to being a doctor of English (Has a masters in creative writing no less). He was a contact on the new paying site. Not sure yet what to make of him as our first date was on Sunday night. Unlike some of the others on the free site he is about ten years older than I am, which is very interesting. He is severely intelligent, although looks exactly like what I would call up in my mind of an English professor. Not incredibly attractive, but attractive, articulate. At the end of our first date I got a rather unexpected and exciting kiss. So, I have decided that if he asks me out again. I'm gonna go. In fact I am nervously awaiting some kind of e-mail from him.

Whereas this should put me in a good place, because the Prince and I are friends, good friends, in my mind it doesn't. I am terribly afraid to tell him I had a nice date with someone else. I mean, I know that there is nothing he could do that would make us not be friends -we are too far in for that to ever happen -but, I'm not sure how he feels about it. We've never openly discussed it. I mean we skirt the issue and are getting more comfortable talking in generalities about dating and kidding around about it. But, I am that girl who has problems seeing things that aren't there, remember. I want to be able to tell him about it and laugh and ask him his perspective on it, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable or, god forbid, he has some kind of romantic feelings for me and gets mad and never wants to talk to me ever again.  I would be utterly crushed. So, what do I do? I will have to think on it. We are having dinner tomorrow.

I went and got my nails done on Sunday, but the lady who did them left them a little long for my tastes so typing has been somewhat difficult. Then this morning I thought I had an eyelash in my contact, but it is some kind of stye, so I had to take my contacts out and throw them away. I rubbed my great-grandmother's wedding ring on it so hopefully it will start going away. But, this puts me squarely in a pair of six year old glasses that are a prescription or two off from what I should be wearing. I can see, but no well, and I think I look fucking ridiculous. My real glasses make my eyes look like pinpoints and they are thick. Really thick. I hate them, but it looks like I will have to wear them for at least a couple of days until my eye heals up and I am not happy about it.

However, considering all the things I see and don't see....I really must be metaphorically blind, so why not literally for a few days.