Going to the...

Yep. Tonight I am taking my date to the Lincoln Symphony Orchestra performance of 'A Night At the Movies'. It is not going to be as many musicians as in the picture, probably about four, but there is a vibraphonist who will be playing who is supposed to be very good. They are doing a bunch of themes from films so it should be recognizable and interesting. The concert is also being made into a CD for the four people playing which is kind of cool.

My date asked me if he should wear a tie or not, as he was unsure as to the formality of the event. I kind of hinted that he could if he wanted or not, but definitely a jacket of some sort. But, I am a sucker for a man in a nice suit --that's all there is to that one. Tuxes are nice, but there is nothing (NOTHING) hotter on a man than a well tailored, three piece suit. Makes me hot just thinking about it. I have the vapors. It could be double breasted or single, three buttoned or two, doesn't fucking matter. Now a days men don't have much call to wear them, not the guys I see, which makes me a little sad. Not that I want to force my date into formal clothes he is not comfortable in --but it is kind of like that uncomfortable date lingerie I wear, really you find it sexy, so if it looks hot enough the purpose is to let them peel it off of you, get it. A marvelous candy wrapper.

I am going downtown early so I can park at a meter and hang out with sister D at her little apartment, as it is like a block away from the Lied, so I get to see her for a while and hang out comfy, then walk a block over when it is time for the show. Debating about heels or flats, for my outfit, which as of this second is a black cocktail dress with my jersey and rosette cover-up. Oh, and I have decided, as an homage to the royal wedding hats and Derby, that I am going to wear the spectacular headband I have --that I've never worn. Elegant, but stylish is what we are going for. Good plan.

I am also working on making my mom something nice for Mother's Day, which I totally spaced off. I am working on photo-shopping something fun for her, that will make her laugh. I love my mom and she deserves nice things. Well, all for now. Planning on having a really good time.

If you love TRENDS...must watch...

http://youtu.be/4_QhF5HYdS4

Listen up, you SLUTS!

Dude, so funny.

Woooooohoooooo!

Stoked, so totally stoked! Date went awesome. It was radical and awesome so --yeah, I'm resurrecting it --RAWSOME.

Kissing --finally. Not great kissing (well, any kissing is good kissing, isn't it.), but some awkward first time kissing -kissing which was good and nice. Kind of surprise 'attack kissing'. It has been a while since I felt that whiskery man face and I liked it. Who are we kidding it sent me into fits of blushing and stuttering. It only took me half a bottle of wine to work up to it. Nothing open mouth, but this is so seventh grade parents-are-just-coming-home kiss me quick, kissing. Yep, he likes me . Hooray!

His previous lack of response definitely stems from his shy nature. But, I can overcome this, I think, now that I know what it really is. We honestly didn't have any of that 'deep honest' conversation, but we did resolve some of those issues I had with previous dates, touching happened, interest was conveyed physically. He is interested, yes, he can do the things I want, if I move first, yes, and yeah --he is totally my boyfriend now. Well, I didn't ask specifically if it was okay to call him my boyfriend, but I did say I was going to tell people we were 'dating' and technically that makes him my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. I'm so God damn awesome it hurts right now.

Pork Chops were meh, potatoes were good --dessert (chocolate cake) was spectacularly delicious. One of the best desserts I have ever made to date. Kind of glad I did send him home at like 8:30 even though we probably would have gone a little further if I didn't have roommates, but they showed up at like 8:48pm, so we would have been 'caught' which is ridiculous. I'm a little old to get 'caught' with my top off, making out on a couch.  

We are going to the symphony on Saturday. And I'm damn sure gonna get some more kisses. He smells nice too, which is a super bonus, and I like the way he feels when I put my arms around him, super good. Sweet totally sweet.

Ah, the menu....

Okay tonight’s date menu –

Main Dish

Tonight we are having Pork Chops on a bed of stuffing, drizzled in gravy, and

Potatoes, baked or mashed, have not decided yet.

Wine

Barefoot Pinot Grigio.

Desserts

Tiny chocolate cakes, served warm with whipped cream and a drizzle of chocolate  

And/or Peach Crumble, served warm with whipped cream

 I made both desserts already, as baking is squarely where I excel in the kitchen. But, I have faith the pork chops will turn out just as well. Keeping it simple, homey, delicious. The house is clean and should present well.

I am really very excited, but I need to do some dishes and paint my fingernails, so this one is short. I may update afterwards, hoping things go well. I’m just going to take it nice and slow, cool and relaxed. Have fun, be myself. I know it will go well.

WTF day...

Okay, so blog happening totally late today. It seemed like if I did anything today it went heinously wrong so I have decided to just stop and try things tomorrow. And just in case you need a laugh, I made you a little list of all the shit that was shit today.

1). Needed to clean. Got all books out of storage area to arrange artfully on bookshelf. Could have sworn I have more interesting books --nope. And subsequent dust bowl created by moving stored items gave me an asthma/allergy attack as I carried all the laundry up the two flights of stairs from the basement --leaving me feeling like an absolute fat girl with a problem (and I exercised today, too), also made it hard to smoke, which is inconvenient. "Fatty Magee, why do you take the stairs?" "I--wheeze--wheeze--like --wheeze--the stairs." Come on.

2). Needed more room on my C drive. Moved all Itunes to roaming external hard drive. Erased all playlists unintentionally (have not tried to reset everything up as it is a massive undertaking, and super pissed off about it). Decided while I would be off the computer for a while that I should install updates --Guess what? Time for Vista Service Pack 2 --took like three hours, even with a clean C drive. Fuck, fuck you, Vista!

3). Went to make little cakes --don't have half the shit I need to make cake. This super hypes-up sense of anxiety about still not unresolved menu for tomorrow night date. Anxiety leads to difficult breathing, smaller asthma attack. Do monk-like hour of quiet mediation to clear lungs and mind. Somehow achieve once again calm state, will figure something out. Oh, and had a helpful glass of wine during mediation.

4). Even though we have filled out application after application, after bloody God damn application, still nothing on the employment thing. I have not even come up with a word that can convey the utter, absolute frustration of being an capable, smart, reliable employee sitting here waiting for someplace to call me. It is a lot like deep despair, with a little rage, and a dash of self-loathing/self-flagellation.

So, now that I have listed it all and it doesn't look that bad --not being abused, not bleeding, no broken bones or bullet holes. I suppose I may be a little over dramatic. Oh, alright, totally over dramatic, and yes, I AM fishing for flattery and sympathy --so, you give it, because I want it. Gimme.

Standardized Tests

In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?

Agreed. 'Nough sed.

Dang, this is funny!

Well, I could've just had Pepper do it, but.....

Right About Now...

It may just be the potato salad talking, but I am on a f*cking streak today --a getting things done streak. I have applied for like six more things today, vigor increased. I'm not internationally known, but I'm known throughout the microphone...

Headed for exercising --45 minutes today, increased from the usual 30 minutes, as I have built up some stamina finally. Then will bath and commence some reorganizing of my room and doing of workout laundry. I may even put up some of the art I have in my closet, as the room could use just a little more color. The plan includes doing the dishes again and planning a menu....yes, as date has agreed to come over on Thursday for relaxing dinner and hanging out.

Now I love going out, I totally do, but I am super excited about this one. Aaaah, just hanging out. Have some wine in a place I can actually have more than one glass, if I so chose, and where I totally know where the bathroom is, unlike that 'I can hold it because I don't want to look like an ass wandering around to try and find it' resturant restrooms. Plus, if I manage to dump food on myself during dinner, I can simply go change -positive.

It also gives me kind of an opportunity to impress with the menu. It will either be beef with a nice red wine or chicken with a lovely white wine (maybe sparkling). Now I am also aware that he likes cheese steak sandwiches. I do have some philly cheesesteak sandwich makings in the house already. Toby makes a hellva philly cheesesteak so I may con him into helping or teaching me how. I don't want to get overly ambitious --then end up failing and running to Boston Market to plate it and say I made it (which is the failsafe plan B in case something goes wrong).

Oh, and I also got his name --yeah, full name, I know you're impressed. This is gonna be a great week, I can just feel it. Well, gotta get some more things accomplished. May post what I'm listening to later. I got Rob Base and DJ Ez Rock on the brain today, Old Skool.

Can You Smell What the H is Cookin'?

Hey, Happy Easter, Everybody!

Eat some chocolate and enjoy your family. Oh, and super Congratulations, Jesus for David Blaine-ing your way out of a tomb, if you really did. Hey, if you didn’t than Congratulations for convincing a bunch of people you did anyway –publicity can be a form of magic sometimes too, ask any celebrity.

I have been cooking up a bloody storm today. I made potato salad last night, which is kind of a little family tradition in the spring anyway. Today, I am set on making some delicious tiny chocolate cakes. Moist fluffy, satisfying to the palate cake.

As per my previous cooking blog, see Cornedbeef & Cabbage, I have kind of a hazy track record with the cooking thing. Yeah, but unlike some other things that I have tired and failed at, then never done again –this one I keep trying on. Mainly, because cooking leads to one of my favorite things –eating. I love good food. Dieting sucks and yeah, a lot of the time it is like starving yourself, but that is because the brain has no idea what full really feels like after a while. However, I am getting better at it, still losing weight, at least and that is positive.

I also started on the sequel to the vampire story. I am still working out plot points, but these were good sturdy characters and I think another story is well within their realm of possibilities.

So, things are going well, for a Sunday, not much to report, may take a nap this afternoon. Sunday is the perfect day for things like that. However, as it has been cool, I really would like a nice guy to wrap a couch blanket around and snuggle with for a while. I suppose I settle for roommate’s tiny stinky dog as he does not fight back.

a little night music...

Happy Easter, Peeps!

Dropping the Hammer

In the interest of pursuing a worthwhile, good kind of relationship with another human being, I had accessed date three and previous two dates scientifically and have taken the advisement of at least four other female dating science researchers. There have been some unsettling factors in these three dates which have come up again and again.

Factor one --physical disinterest. No touching or attempted touching. Even more unsettling, no verbal queue which would denote physical interest, such as compliments or direct use of name during lengthy and non-lengthy conversations. Now, no matter how interested in putting my hands down his trousers I am, I do tend to take the demur route, however, I always make sure to say name at end of date.

Factor two --lack of conversation regarding actual things about self. When people ask me about my date I say very general things. I don't even know his full name and this is date 3+. This lack of insight into his character makes it hard to make excuses for the lack of physical or verbal interest as noted above. Don't get me wrong, we talk about all kinds of good things and have some quirky commonalities --we both drive Hondas, we both used to work at the same place for a while, we both like sci fi stuff and books.

These two factors have made it difficult to actually access if he 'likes' me, the way I 'like' him. And, really, my bantering back and forth between dating articles offering exactly the opposite advice on the same issues is probably not helping. So, we list the things we are sure about.

1). I like him. He is good looking, smart, funny, sweet --all the things we have not run into in other previous dates. I enjoy thinking that this could go somewhere, which is a fairly new thing. He said in the fall he likes to go for walks outside and I thought to myself, 'Hey, I could go on walks with you in the fall'. I also really like to hear him talk about his computer stuff, which he gets super excited about, it is nice to hear him be passionate about something (Now, whether this means I will have to draw a picture of a computer on a cardboard box and crawl inside of it naked to get him to touch me or not has not been established quite yet.)

2). Something worth doing is worth doing it right. I suppose going slow does have it's advantages, and perhaps me not having employment currently is off-putting (no one likes to have to consider that their date may need them for support immediately, we are looking for equals to support each other i.e. remember that awful date I had with the dude who said he was going to go blind within the next five years, and I bolted because I would have to drive him everywhere and I got scared, yeah this could be like that.) So, we go slow and get to know each other, fine, but God damn it start telling me I look pretty or I will find someone who will. Shit, not that hard. Put a hand on my fabulous ass on the way out of the restaurant so all the other jaguars in there stop drooling over me--I look that way for you, guy, and it takes WORK.

So, and I am really putting myself out there on this one. I have decided to invite him back to my house for date four. I am going to make a fabulous dinner, and we are going to play some pool and smoke and just relax together for a while. We haven't really had a nice 'jeans and a t-shirt' style date, so maybe the tactical/venue change will help with some deeper, more honest conversation. Plus, it is an opportunity to really showcase some of the things I like and am interested in. Roommates have been nice enough to say they would vacate for the evening and I think it will be a lot of fun. --Not, I repeat, NOT luring him over to molest him. Slow, remember, slow. We will still have to be done around 10-ish so roommates can sleep for work next day, but then again, that could be a positive thing.

And if it goes well I have a really great reward --no, it's not that --I got tickets to the symphony that weekend and may invite him to go, if we are in fact 'dating'. However, he will be paying for dinner as I already paid for the tickets. Anyway, assessment is still positive, but must put an end to these heinous mixed signals.

I Think It's Me...

Okay, so, the date. It was fun. It is, in fact, getting easier to talk to him, but --I don't know, my balls must have fallen out of my purse because --we talked about a lot of things, but I was not able to broach the subject of 'so are we dating'/'where is this going' with him at all. Now, this was partially due to reading an article, just before I left that said that dudes on a 2^nd or 3^rd date are not in the same place mentally as ladies on that date and they have no intention of committing to be exclusive, they are just there to get to know you, at that point, but that girls read too much into it and f*ck things up by moving to fast. So, I decided to try and slow it down. But, yeah, I think I ended up just looking ‘slow’. I didn't even remember to ask him the one question I wanted to ask --Uh, hey what is your last name?

Food was good. Wine was better. Spilled soup on my rack about twenty minutes in (cheese soup on black top), which made me feel like a retard for the whole rest of dinner. Although, we talked during dinner, at the end, we paid and finished our drinks and left. He walked me to my car and once again, no kisses, no hand holding. Not his fault –I didn’t go for it either. But, there was also no mention of how nice I looked (and I looked God damn hot tonight) or that he liked how I looked at all. I am kind of getting indications I might have been moved to the ‘friend zone’.

I feel so lame. Like I talk a good game, but I need him to make the first move. I can certainly move after that, but I need him to indicate he likes me in some manner. Physically. Shit, at this point, verbally would even work a little. I'm mad at myself for talking all tough then acting like a drooler, again. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am a frigging fool. Maybe I don't even deserve to date. I am so lame sometimes. I carry condoms, but yeah, I will never get to use them.

However, I did manage to man up after I got home, remembering the things I had forgotten and after berating myself about my pathetically Jane Austen-esque behaviour, and sent him an e-mail. I made the subtle suggestion that ‘I would love to invite myself over to his house, but that was rude’ Beep, beep, this is his chance to just invite me over. We shall see if he takes it. I really dislike PDA, so maybe it has been that all our dates are in public places, where I would consider it disgusting to see other people kissing. He sure does have some cute hair and I once again found myself looking at his nice fingers. Heavy sigh.

I consider it kind of a lame save but, hey, whatever. For the curious, he did win my phone number. However, I am not happy to have shaved nearly all the hair off my body for a two hour dinner.

Third Time's A Charm?

Tonight is highly anticipated date night so among the many things I am working on today, and the list is long –reedits on manuscript, do dishes, do laundry, pick up room, look for more things to apply for (this round involves removal of my dignity first), and exercising, I am also doing prep work for the date.

Any good Dating Scientist will tell you that it is a lot of work to make it look effortless and ‘I don’t really care, but I do care’ casual. Honestly, I know the list is absurd, that’s why it is a joke. However the activities give me a chance to focus on releasing excitement energy in a positive way (not pacing, smoking and over thinking it).

Date Prep:

• Check weather for date outfit appropriateness. Temp 46, chance of rain 50%, no white shirt. Date outfit picked out. Will work with weather, check.

• During bathing portion of day –remove all unwanted hair (all of it, everywhere), moisturize everything (especially hands as we are preparing for ‘hand holding’ tonight), pluck, pull, and style all of it. Exfoliate lips (just in case they are called up for use, as well.) Nail painting, going with the pink on fingers and toes this time.

• Got on-line and accessed restaurant menu in reference to both allergy appropriateness and diet requirements. Picked what I will be eating. Cross referenced this with current financial situation. Reordered. Can have dessert or soup, if I want, but not both, as that both will blow my calorie count out the f*king window. May do it anyway.

• To avoid long awkward pauses, came up with a list of topics I would enjoy talking about. Put list in purse. –End of good date reward will be passing him my telephone number, so need to include small writing tablet in purse.

• Reorganize purse. Things to include in purse –Epipen (just in case), wallet, condoms –both non-latex variety and latex (also, just in case, but will probably have as much of a chance to use these as that darn Epipen), gum, lip gloss, harmonica (always in purse, but more poignantly for if I put the moves on him and he does call the cops on me. –I will need it for the standard ‘playing harmonica in jail cell while awaiting bail out scene’), smaller version of previously applied make-up for touch ups, fake blonde ‘Simon & Simon’ adhesive mustache (in case disguise is needed to avoid harmonica use). I think that may be it.

Wondering now to self if this will ever be an easy process. This process will also probably include me doing exactly what I did the last time I got dressed for a date, which is changing my outfit about a million times and much fancy designer shoe tossing round the room. I have no idea how people can do this all the time, honestly.

So, yeah, I’m still really nervous. I haven’t figured that one out yet, but will chalk it up to ‘please like me syndrome’. I have decided to do some subtle ‘so is this going to go someplace’ checking tonight during conversation. I am solidly in ‘like’ with my date and want to put forth that I am dating to find someone to be exclusive with. I read an article that said this was a positive thing for a lady to do, as some people really are simply looking for new friends and people to hang out with. Nothing heavy handed, mind you, just some simple non-invasive, tactful feeling out. NOT feeling up –feeling out. Gheesh, you readers. Although we (as in the royal ‘we’) are not adverse to that either.

Oh, and I am not sure if the picture totally applies to the blog today, I just thought it was funny. I will have to check on that 'eats kittens thing'. I know he likes cats, but I failed to access if he likes them for breakfast.

I'm Certified...

Awwh, yeah, ask around the streets, man, I'm certified.
Across seas, all my customers are satisfied.

Tomorrow's date night, I'm hanging with my squeeze-y.

Ask around my hood, yeah, I'm certified
And I hate to have to put a bullet in your mind.

Cannot stop listening to this one, so here's your doctor with your injection. Contagious kind of good. Darn you, Akon, another totally catchy one and I want one of those cute DJ hoodies with the wings on it, too. I like the pretty lights.

Yeah, Baby!

Finally finished, marketable, H-style vampire romantic thriller. Passed manuscript to editor. Totally tapped out, so I am going to bed.

Howling At The Moon

Holy Cow, Wow. Today was a clusterf*ck of massive proportions. So much crazy bullsh*t I cannot even blog about all of it. So, agenda was to finish story --did not one word of writing yet as I was simply bombarded by things.

Not all of it was bad. Got to spend some time with sister D, taking her to do some pleasant shopping at Walmart which is chalked full of weirdos and crazies. It was nice to talk to her. Work for her has been kind of tough lately, but then again she is a late blooming fledgling who just got her own place by herself and is working her first 'big girl, real-life' job, I expected a little bit of good natured depression and loneliness. And she is handling it very well.

Had a nice really long conversation with my 90 yr old Grandma Tuffy, she is a great person and we had a nice long talk about all the happenings. She was quite impressed to hear I was dating again and from the description I gave has given my date a tentative 'Like' status. She particularly liked that I told her he does not wear facial hair --which she seems to equate with filthy ne'er-do-wells and hippies. And for the record April 30th is her 91st birthday. Talk about something to celebrate. I say that sarcastically, because it is like celebrating winning a race that no one is running with you anymore because they are all dead. But, that is neither here nor there, as I am immensely proud of her and love her very much.

Sent rapacious e-mails back and forth with best friend as she also seemed to be on crazy family overload. The one thing that really drove home the stress of family is something I cannot talk about. Wild, just wild.

I am trying to detox now. Smoking like a stack, paced for a good half hour. My life is my own. I need it to be calm and stress free. The added restlessness of the full moon tonight is going to make sleep virtually impossible now. Great. At least, I have the writing I can get back too. I swear I will finish that story tonight or tomorrow. I really feel like going dancing. Someone mentioned karioke, now I hunger to drunkenly sing and dance. A terrible need for revelry and levity has gripped me.

Oh, and as a happy side note, my awesome date sent me an e-mail last night saying he had been totally busy, but he sent me a cool album of music and has a french subtitled movie I want to see. Thank you, Automatic Aphrodite, Goddess of On-line Love, I will sacrifice a pocket calculator in your name. With all the goings on and the general feeling of moral subversion I have, I wish we were a little further along so I could call him up and go frisk him with my mouth, gently. I want to howl at the moon, take my clothes off and dance --commit a little safe lunacy upon the world. The restlessness manifests as excess energy, synapses that won't quit firing. Don't worry, as usual, I will probably be right here, locked up within my mind, desperate for an adjective and clawing for the adequate expression of a sensation.

Wherefore art thou...

Okay, so tonight’s blog. I have been really busy writing all weekend. Really. I have laid down a whopping 30,000 words in a very good story. So, I took a bit of a break. Friday, I watched a movie on Netflixs. Sunday, I am back to blogging for fun. Oh, and I lost another pound.

Now as a ‘Dating Scientist’ I do read my fair share of dating articles. Tonight I read a really interesting one on Yahoo. It was (and here is the relevant except from it):

For guys: A guide to girl talk
By Amy Spencer

What she says: “So, what have you been up to?”
What she means: “Why haven’t you called me? Are you seeing someone else?”
Why she says it: If we haven’t talked to you in a few weeks and then you suddenly start calling again, all we want to know is, What the heck took you so long? But because we want you to think we’re laid-back “Hey, whatever” women, all we dare squeeze out is a general inquiry. “I don’t want him to know I care,” says Emilie Giroud Capet. Our biggest fear? That you’ve been calling other women instead of us. Whether that’s the case or not, you’re best off filling in your missing weeks with very unromantic things. “I’m hoping he’ll tell me he’s been working really hard,” says Emilie, “or better, that he’s been really sick.”

So, I really have to say this one is totally true. I use it. There were a couple other ones I agreed with, but this one really jumped out, especially in light of the third date being scheduled two weeks after the second one. I just get this general distaste in my mouth like ‘so you’re calling someone else this week, huh?’ And I know this is a simple over-reaction. It’s not like I have not been busy too, but I just seem to be willing to make time to hang out with him (or write him interesting e-mails), while he is giving me what he can spare from more important things.

I suppose in the early stages of dating this is how it goes sometimes (he likes me, he likes me not), but his general disinterest is beginning to make me think about getting back on that stupid site and looking for someone who would be serious about me. Which would be a bummer because I really like him, ya know?

Still, there are articles out there that say I should be still looking even though we are on date number three. I've just never been that kind of girl. If I like you, then I like you. I respect my date enough to stop looking momentarily until he gives me a reason to keep looking. Maybe, that is incredibly old fashioned, in this day and age. I don't know. I have honestly not returned about three other e-mails from nice guys out of respect for the one I am going out on dates with. Is that an antiquated concept now? --Oh, and respect is not keeping me very warm at night.

Thunder Over Louisville Fireworks Video Highlights, Part 2 - Video - WLKY Louisville

Thunder Over Louisville Fireworks Video Highlights, Part 2 - Video - WLKY Louisville My thoughts are with my awesome bestie and hoping she loved the show as much as I did (and I only watched it on-line). Hooray Thunder Over Louisville!

Somedays...

I don't blog.

Some findings...

First off, blog readers, as anticipated scientifically, readership was totally up yesterday due to the scintillating content of previous blog --which included 'sex' mentioned at least four times and a little bit of good natured fantasy at the tail end there. Readership increased by 80%. At some point, I will figure out all the secrets to this and have everyone reading and commenting on my random thoughts --and hopefully buying some books, if I ever manage to get something published.

Oh, and just for the record I have upgraded my title to 'Dating Scientist' as it is much more attractive and smart sounding than girl-looking-for-love, blah, blah, blah. I have already preformed a small dating experiment, however not on the guy I have been talking about in the last blogs, that would be cruel and I like him way too much for that. However, previously e-mailed guys who were not cool enough to actually invite me out --yeah, it was you and, yeah, I totally did mess with you just because I could. If I could label your profiles with a big fat 'Epic Fail' I totally would. And at some point, I may publish findings, but I will change your name to something hot, to protect me, for course. So, no worries.

Anyway, keeping this one short, but needed to mention something really came together for me today, which was nice. Caught a break on something I've been waiting months on. Not the publishing thing, but it was still great nonetheless. Tiny golf clap for me.

And last but not least, I had a nice long conversation with my mom on the phone today. She is very busy so sometimes we don't get to chat as much as we have in the past, but boy, I sure do like her. Somehow we just get on the same wavelength and it is really great to talk with someone who totally cares about how every little thing is going. I mean, I guess she kind of has to, because she's my mom, but you know not all moms do that. I know the good ones do, but...well, I don't want to be insulting to all the really crappy moms who don't.

So, at the close of my day, I reflect. I laid down 11,000 words last night on current story. Not bad, we'll see if tonight is better. Oh, and everyone in the house has sinus infections and pressure headaches due to crappy rain today.

Types of Girls...

Whoa, this is bloody hilarious. Warning for the sensitive --a little gross, but hey, that's Kesha. ;)

Ass-Kickery

Ah, finally back in the mood. Not that mood...gheesh...that was last week. This week the mood is for ass-kickery. I know all the sentimental flubbering of the last two or three blogs may have led you to believe that perhaps the kind of things I write are full of flowery, kiss hungry, cry addicts, but this is simply not the kind of heroine I write. And really more importantly, if even one of my heroines ever met me they would probably, kick my ass for being an overly whiny bitch. In fact, I am positive of that one.

It also occurs to me that people stop and read this more if the word sex is included somewhere in the text. It is a simple observation, so in the interest of keeping up blog readership (anonymous or otherwise), SEX, sex, sex, and filthy sex. Ha, that's right, now I once again warrant that ridiculous content warning.

It also occurs to me that people stop and read about what is going on in my life occasionally. So, yeah, still looking for a job (please see past post about the State), still writing which has been going remarkably well lately, and yes, boys and girls, still attempting to 'date' which has been a veritable mine field of ooey-gooey blog fodder.

Speaking of which, I was again slightly disappointed that my date got so busy 'working' or whatever to set up date #3 this week so date has been assigned to next Thursday. Don't get me wrong -yes, I am totally excited and sure it will be fun. I really like him, so it is fun. But, and here comes the big ghetto style butt, I am ready to proceed on this. I know he is shy and I know I am a little intimidating in person (probably a lot more than I think), but I am ready to throw down and get busy with this guy and I honestly don't know if he would file police charges against me if I kissed him. 'Officer, we had a nice conversation and she just invaded my personal space with her MOUTH. What kind of nice girl does that?' --Sigh. Remember patience is a virtue and the royal 'we' is very virtuous. So, third date plan is to attempt hand holding.

I was sincerely hoping that he would suggest we have a quiet board game night at his house with a bottle of wine. How nice does that sound? I think it sounds pretty damn good. Of course, he mentioned that one of the reasons he was dating at all was to get out of the house, so fine --I like going out, too. I am stalling on asking him back to my house, even if there is a pool table in the basement, as previously mentioned it would mean he would have to meet members of my family immediately, even if they are pretty cool. And that is rather unkind. And so it goes.

Now an ass-kicking heroine, what would she do? Yep, she would have f**ked him in the car after date number two. Forcefully pressing him against the driver's side door, simply taking that kiss she so longed for with the quick vicious press of her perfectly slick lips. Leaving him tingling from her chapstick and setting up that third date via cellphone before he left the parking garage. Ah, the perfection of fiction, guys and dolls.

Important PSA

Cases Of Shaken Manchild Syndrome On The Rise

I know I've wanted to shake a couple myself and I'm not even a parent.
Come on, give me a fist pound, Baby, you can do it.

Something to amuse you...

Boy’s Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python


One of my favorites...

A Way to Be

Today, I am feeling grateful. It is a simple fact that gratitude is important. You must realize these days, for me, are followed by days of obsessive sentimentality, then the writing of pseudo-twelve step forgiveness letters that I never send out. Before, I got to bed, I bring to mind instances that would be forgotten, good people who did good things for me. Who saved my ass, or expressed compassion toward me that I was, at the time, ungrateful for. I speculate that it is why we all keep saying to be nice to 'children and old people'. Now I, myself, have only experienced the youth portion of this statement, but hope that it holds true for my aged years, as well, considering how much I really benefited from it.

For a dreamer who escaped the corporate choke hold, at least temporarily, to live said dream there are so many people to thank that it is slightly overwhelming. Of course, thank you to my loyal friends and family members who have supported me in every way that it is possible to support, like a good bra they stand firm and strong. Dude, you know who you are! Thank you to each and every lost-touch-with-you friend for acting excited when I told you I was writing a book, it felt awesome every single time you looked surprised and elated. Massive thank you to anyone who took the time to read one of my things when I asked you to. Oh, and I would also like to thank Mr. dating guy for your thoughtful e-mails and taking me out for conversations which have given me hope there is another intelligent soul left, and letting me fantasize about you at my leisure (which is both helpful and not helpful at the same time. hee, hee.). And thank you, my own body, for finally starting to really slough off the fat girl winter coat and start letting that thin b*tch inside of me eat her way out.

And lastly, really, thank you Charlie Sheen for redefining the word 'winning' for me. It seems a lot more applicable the way you use it and now I can use it all the time.

Well, enough positive gushing gratitude. Thank you notes must be written. 

Positively Deep

This one is for the losers. It’s for the lost and the hopeless. The trapped and oppressed. It’s gonna be more Confucius style poetry then straight up flow of consciousness, so read forth if you dare.

No one stays down forever. Be still, stay quiet, get high from the drug of your potential. Let it rush your brain and take over. Be happy because it pisses other people off. Feed that tiny spirit animal in your guts, so it can grow up to be what it is supposed to be.

‘No’ sucks, but it is your choice to accept it or not and sometimes it is the right answer. You can’t make people do or say what you wish, but you can do it yourself.

You can think that things happen or believe there is a plan or a force behind it, but anyway you look at it, things keep happening. Observation is important. Action based on observation is intelligence.

No matter how you feel about a situation, there is a right way to handle it and a wrong way, determining this is what makes our character. Some people are villains and some are heroes, but everyone believes they are heroes.

Being genuine, sincere, and considerate are always good ideas. People do crazy things all the time, so make yours count. Stop thinking about what you deserve and start earning things.

As time goes by people will find pictures of you, they will laugh at your archaic dress, but will notice most if you are smiling or not. Things considered unachievable will be achieved. Impossibilities will become possibilities. And even if you are in Junior High, time will indeed fly, sooner then you expect.

Cherish moments, take more photographs, have a dessert, be kind to a stranger, stop being obligated to do things, love without motive, be brave, let criticism make you better, dance silly and laugh, realize you are a wonder of this world, and be grateful. Touch your friends mentally, socially, and physically whenever you can in a positive way.


Everything is going to be alright.

(That one is just in case you need to hear it and because it’s true.)

Stagnant...Nah

Ah, stagnation. Really? I fooled ya, Reader. In my personal situation the word 'stag' may apply more than stagnant, at this point, however both still apply. Per the previous blog --and the fact that it has been two days since the afore-mentioned date, with not even a quick e-mail back to say if he had a good time or not.--The royal 'we' was feeling a little out of sorts this morning.

However, I put on my t-shirt today that said 'WINNER' on it. I bought this shirt before the whole Charlie Sheen thing, but it is even trendier now which is cool. And God damn, it's true. I dropped like ten pages on a story last night, ending that little 'too mentally consumed with romance' to write romance period. I got up and worked out and I have lost another two pounds today. Sure, we are like a good twenty or fifteen from super sexy summer wear, but I am so close I can taste it like a Big Mac on a string in front of me. I even passed on a free lunch at Culver's today. I am doing awesome. I am still awesome, smart, pretty, and have great friends.  I just need to come through strife a little bit more eloquently. Sure, it's kind of disappointing to be too 'sexy' for my date --but there will be someone who appreciates that if he doesn't. He's smart, and if he's that smart he'll see me for the great person I am and he'll set up that third date. And if not, hey, I did my best. I'd still like to eat breakfast off of him, but there are always other places to eat if he's closed.

Yeah, winning, Baby, epic winning.

My sister clipped for me an article about self-published authors who are making a lot of money and handed it to me said 'Soon that's gonna be you.' It was one of the nicest things that has happened lately. And makes me think of that really introspective self-loathing due to dating anxiety is really very lame and no one likes to hear it. I have a great existence and super friends who will tolerate a certain amount of good natured b*tching, but, let's get back to being grateful for the good things and start appreciating those introspective moments as the sticky candy of anticipation that they really are.

So, it may look like stagnation to other people, but I am a runner poised for rocket take off, still and focused, body tensed, ears pricked up just listening for the starter pistol to be fired. It's gonna be a hell of a race, but I'm already winning.

This could explain some things....

This is the video I've been addicted to for the last two days, could explain why I'm all super heated up, perhaps. Dang.

Sexy Vs. Smart

M'kay, today's topic is being sexy vs. being smart. For my readership of near zero I gotta say, I tried really hard to be sexy on my date. Really, really hard. Maybe too hard, because everyone else in a five mile radius was sending me signals I looked hot, except my date who said not one word about how I looked or smelled or attempted to touch me in anyway at all. Didn't try to hold my hand or offer me an arm while we walked, nothing. I am a little disappointed.

Previous date outfit was much more conservative and his looks were more interested. Tonight, I opted for a top that showed off I had lost some weight recently and highlighted the fancy new push-up bra I wore especially for my date. I may be over thirty but I have an absolutely fabulous rack. And I'm not being immodest or bragging. Some girls get a pretty face, I got these and they are really lovely. Nearly as fantastic as my highly developed sense of empathy or my rapier wit. Sadly tonight they garnered me only shame.

Now, maybe I have been out of the game so long that I don't really know how the game works anymore, but when I was dating before if you looked nice, was interested, did all those perfect flirty things the magazines tell you to do, like touch your hair and smile a lot, then he was supposed to say he thought you were attractive. Half the time his body posture said interested, lean in, smile, the other half the time he was leaned back and looked bored. Maybe it was nerves, maybe it was the coffee. I don't know. Maybe I have no idea how to act right around nice guys.

I had a fun time talking to him, just like last time, so I'm gonna try again. If he invites me out again --because there is an indication that he could now think I'm kind of trashy and this could be a turn off for him. Next time, we will be going outfit casual, nothing overt or provocative. I am actually really glad I did not wear the little black dress I had on before I changed to the nice top and pants, as it was very over the top sexy with it's glossy leather heels. Sigh. From now on we will simply be showcasing our huge brain, not our lovely brawn. I feel kind of filthy like I'm one of those gross guys that e-mail me on Plenty of Douche bags. I hope he didn't end up feeling like that too.

So, we will totally be going with smart from now on, as sexy seems to have failed miserably. I didn't even get a little kiss.

Oh, and I keep getting indications he might own a cat, or at the very least he likes them better than dogs (which I kind of knew). Not sure on that one yet. Considering my allergies I need to know more on that one.

Don't get 'Sucker Punch'-ed

Okay, so went to the movies with my sister, because I got a coupon for $5 admission. I love cheap admission, however it did not make this movie worth seeing.

I am a HUGE action movie fan. I love them. This was disguised as an action movie, but it wasn't. It tried desperately to be psychologically twisty, but it was predictable and badly acted. Going into it. I knew it would be about girls in skimpy costumes. I had no doubt of that, but really that's it? Yeah, that's it. It is a sad 'whack-off to it boys' film, with a plot as loose as a $2 hooker.

I saw it in 2-D, but could easily pick out the shots that were supposed to be 3-D (perhaps on the DVD). The cliched bullet coming from the gun, fire out of the dragon's mouth, bullshit that had been done to death previously. One or two of the action scenes were worth it, but I walked out feeling like the preview had been better than the actual film and I hate that. Everyone else must have gotten the memo about the stinkiness of the film because there were only like twelve people in the theatre and it was a coupon night.

Really, sadly, it is a one time watch film, which had potential to be very good, but failed miserably to meet this potential for me. So, if you're desperate to see it, have a coupon, or wait for it on Netflix. I can't even imagine how pissed off I would be if I had paid full price for this. If you are even still waffling about it --go see Paul, instead.

Uplift of the day!

Party Rockers in the house toni-i-i-ight! Dance, dance.

Selective Vegetarian?

Look at that sad little guy. Adorable. Don't ya just wanna squeeze'em?

Hi, My name is H and I'm allergic to fish. Today that is what I will be talking about. I know it is not the best topic, but I didn't get any sleep last night and I bought some flaxseed vitamins yesterday when I really wanted to buy the fish oil ones because I think I may need the Omega-3's.

First, I would like to clarify that I do not tell people I have a fish allergy to get attention. It's like a God damn disability, at this point, stupid and I hate telling people about it. But, if you know me, right now you're thinking, 'Well you do talk about it a lot'. Certainly I do. Because, it could kill me and people forget things. My own mother suggested we have salmon patties for Christmas brunch not two weeks after I told her. And that's my mother, People. However, getting back in the dating scene has made me realize some people still think that, and moreover, it can be a real turn off, especially if you love sushi and I can never, never enjoy that with you. Sad really. Maybe vegetarian sushi.

Anyway, for people who may need it I have a little list. It has some surprises on it (even for me who has been label reading for nearly two years to avoid fish in anything). Every allergy website will also tell you NOT to eat at a restaurant you expect may cook fish on a communal surface (hibachi style grills), fry fish in the same oil as other things (bye Long John Silvers), or have fish added to sauces (most high end restaurants).

Foods Commonly Containing Fish:


•Caesar salad dressing

•Worcestershire sauce

•Ceviche (fish or shellfish "cooked" in an acidic citrus marinade)

•Caviar

•Gelatin

•Cioppino

•Nam pla (Thai fish sauce)

•Bouillabaisse

•Fumet (fish stock)

•Surimi

•Pissaladière

•Omega-3 supplements (if you would like to take these, look for vegan varieties made from flaxseed or other plant-derived oils)

•Caponata

•Imitation fish or shellfish (That’s right, imitation fish and crab is still fish.)

•Meatloaf

•Barbecue sauce (some are made from Worcestershire)

Or how about these:
Airborne (I read this one on the package, but couldn’t find it on their website so formula may have changed. I ended up taking it back to the store.)

Isinglass is a substance obtained from the swim bladders of fish (especially sturgeon), it is used for the clarification of wine and beer.

Some Chicken is also manufactured in the same place as fish is handled and is labeled on the bag. I recently had to put some back in the frozen food case because of this.

Wow, yeah, I'm was kind of surprised. I particularly like how imitation fish and seafood is still fish, just not the fish you think it is. So, fish in disguise as fish. That's like a person dressing up for Halloween as a person. Ha, ha.

Sometimes ya just need to party...

Last night, T hosted his second annual Wrestlemania party at our house. It started around five pm. We cleaned all day for it so the house is completely spring clean, it really is nice. However during this cleaning I knocked something glass over (the second glass breaking incident of the cleaning process). T cooked all day long. He and K had recently gotten a three crockpot buffet thing and he was desperate to have something tastie in each. He made meatballs (with hot dog buns for meatball sandwiches), Cheesy chili dip w/chips, and Lil' Smokies. Everything tasted delicious and he was very proud of everything.

He invited over his two brothers, his cousin, and one of his long lost friends from elementary school. K was excited to watch this one because 'The Rock ' was hosting it and she loves him. Loves him. We had a good time. T's ten year old nephew ate almost an entire bowl of peanut butter m&m's which sent him into a sugar induced frenzy of messing with everything he could get his hands on. However, because everyone else was drinking, it was pretty much up to K and me to watch him. And when I told him not to mess with something T's brother J looked at me and said 'Don't make a big deal out of it and he'll drop it.' Hey, this is my house, idiot with no kids and no child rearing experience, you had better back the F**k up. Wow, I was angry. However, as they were guests I kept my mouth shut and luckily nephew calmed down (somewhat) and everyone else was drinking so --whatever.

I really dislike T's brothers, honestly he is the best of the three. J and his wife just brought new handguns and told us all about them not once, but twice. Not that cool. They are trying to get pregnant (which is a whole other issue for my sister who is positive she doesn't want kids and is pressured by both of his brothers now about it), and now you have guns in the house. Awesome. T's other brother K-dick, thinks he is god's answer to every question. Sometimes he's nice but on the whole he is a douche bag. And especially to women. And especially when all three of them get together.

So, how does one positively handle a gathering like this? Well, you sit by your sister, who you have known for thirty years and both of you yell like crazed groupies at the TV while half naked neanderthals pummel each other fakly, rooting for whoever has the skimpier costume. The food was good, the company not so much, but on the whole it was good fun. And T tries so hard to make sure everyone is having the best time possible, he really loves hosting things, so we try to help, every once in a while. He deserves it.

--Side note, second date is totally on like Donkey Kong, on Thursday night at Lazlo's, he also suggested Crappy Beer Night, so I suggested if he were interested we could go there or the Starlight for some drinks afterwards, if he wanted. Still, riding the super high excited train about it. Yeehaw!

Today's Follow-Up Laugh

I love this.

Excitement, right?

Okay, think back, remember what it was like to be intensely totally excited to see another human being? Yeah, for readers of this blog...I did have a blog that I wrote early last night, but did not post. It was an introspective on settling in life. Just settling for things and being content. And all it took was one e-mail. A confirmation that my date from Thursday had also enjoyed himself and yes, was in fact down for a second one. First, you experience the ultimate relief that there was not a one sided attraction, not the expected lame painful e-mail rejection letter. Thank you for recognizing that I am indeed awesome. Yeah, and I think you're awesome too. Hmmm, now to implement the plan of being awesome together, which is harder.

Plus, there is the excitement to deal with. It makes ya look like a ridiculous crazy mental patient. I literally got up and jumped up and down. I can not even tell you how long it has been since I was emotionally inspired to do that. It has been a while, let's say. And because I am a hopeless romantic deep down, that stifled repressed emotional center kicked into high fantasy processing. I honestly haven't slept well in nearly a week. I think about him and imagine what to say. I take little frozen seconds, images from date one, and suck on them mentally like ice cubes, until it's like two hours later and I am wondering why I can't sleep. Argh.

And I have no desire for it. Honestly, I remember how I fell previously and I know it will only inspire me to ridiculous flirting and simpering, then insane petting, and finally aggressively tearing his clothing off like a rabid animal, probably in the backseat of a car. Very unladylike, not mature at all. Sigh. However playing coy about it seems so unnatural to me. I like ya, why not tell ya. Probably because that one puts me in and out of bed like a midnight telephone call.

The only thing that keeps me sort of balanced is the fact the my job/finances and writing aspects of my life are not going as I would like them to be right now. Not everything progresses together. It is a waiting game. I await the publishers and that place I interviewed with all last week to call. The call I expect Tuesday, the manuscript is more like 8 weeks. Still, they progress, perhaps more slowly.

So, we bounce between ecstatic to slightly unhappy, like a damn ping-pong ball. Such is life.

The Date & Next Phase...

Honestly, I must have been dropping the ball on sabotaging myself, as per my previous post, because I came home last night feeling really good about the date. Better than most, actually. Really good, actually. Even with the unexpected facial leprosy.

He's cute and shy, but funny and a good listener. He is the quintessential tech guy, only not creepy like that one tech guy who was married but would make really off color jokes and when he touched your computer you felt a little dirty, not that guy, the other one --the nice one. He has big thick glasses, which I think are sexy, and kind of a large nose, but so do I. Not to mention that mine looked like I was trying to cover up a tumor with make-up and his was just natural big. --Big blue eyes and sweet boyish hair, ripe for finger-running-through. And nice hands, nice big hands with well cared for nails. Not overly tall but, about 5' 9" or so, with a slender build. He wore khakis and a dress shirt, but you could see his undershirt at the collar. Shirt was white with light blue plaid pattern. Simple, nice.

I wore jeans, white tank and grey fitted cardigan, with madras Loafers. I thought it was casual, but nice, showed off the shape without screaming 'Hey, I'm curvy and slutty'. Hair looked really good, make-up was light (no lipstick, chapstick for gloss as I read recently men hate red lipstick for some reason). We talked about a bunch of stuff, keeping it light. TV, movies, super heroes we liked, MST3K, dogs and cats, family, old jobs, current jobs, my writing. He is going to a play tonight with a friend of his --it was actually my idea for the second date, but nix that now and it was even 'The Mousetrap' which I really wanted to see, so that is kind of sad. --He also has no roommates or pets, so when we do get busy which is scheduled for like date three, if he's still in the game, we're going there. Perfect. Doesn't like coffee. Was not able to determine if he is a social drinker or not, so I'm thinking maybe dinner for date #2. Everybody eats.

I did do something which is typical me, but is advised against by all advice given to me. Hold judgement for the next few sentences until I finish. I really hate trying to describe what kind of music I listen to. I mean, my taste is so-o-o-o varied. at this point. it is a huge long conversation and will always come out idiotic. So, I looked at what his taste was listed as and made a CD of things I had that I thought was 'like that but a bit expanded'. I kept it in my purse until the end of the date, because if I thought it went badly, I wasn't going to give it to him. But, as I did determine it went well. I explained that I had been making a CD for 'a friend' and I just thought it would be a fun way to show him what I was into rather than blather about it. Like a free gift, no matter how things go, for coming out and hanging out. I explained, it was not like a mix tape and nothing on it had any deeper meaning, I was already making one and it takes like 2 seconds to just make another one (he's a tech guy, he knows that) because I didn't want to seem like a creepy stalker, but (shush) everyone knows I kind of jump feet first into things when I get over excited (if he's lucky, he'll get to find out that one too later). I didn't tell anybody I was planning on doing this as I knew everyone would advise against it. I don't regret it, but I hope he took it the right way. I would hate to have that one flummox the whole date.

So, I think I will e-mail him today and set up a dinner date. More to come. --Hopefully or at least a pathetic blog about how he stopped talking to me and how he sucks because of that. Either way, I'll still blog.