Yeah, so I was feeling not so great today. So, I trip over to the bestie's blog and she is having a pity party about one of her reoccurring issues --thanks for stealing my idea. It's like we have the same brain sometimes. Her's was kind of about the weight thing, which she has trouble with because of her hyperthyroidism, which is very understandable and completely frustrating when I seem to be doing very well and losing weight pretty easily. But, there is a big reason for that, and it was what I wanted to address today. I have problems with money. (Hence, it is not uncommon for me to go a day or two not eating because I can't afford food.)
Okay, so as noted in other blogs we have been kind of slinking by on what I make at this new retail position I have had since May. But, the issue being that I work almost the same hours as my sister but because she is getting nearly $5 an hour more than I am, and I am barely making it. Plus, even though I still make this meager wage, I am still paying half the rent and bills. I am not upset about that, whatever, I couldn't find a new place with the same space an amenities for less than what I am paying anyway. But, this is kind of hard to cope with when they have been able to not only fix their car but get a new one for T, while I am having problems buying a pack of cigarettes.
Also, kind of tried of struggling to make these payments then having nothing -and I mean nothing left for me. I got one new pair of $6 pants in the last three months. This check, in buying $45 worth of groceries and $30 in gas, I am totally tapped out. And it is not as though I live extravagantly. I don't go out to eat. I don't do drugs. I don't go shopping anymore. I just spend quiet time in the house trying to be a cheap as possible. I even switched to a much cheaper brand of cigarettes as I know this is the one vice I do spend any money on at all. So, now I contemplate selling my stuff to make rent or calling the landlord to tell him I will be late. There is just no bones about this any longer, I need to go prostitute myself and get a better job. It is becoming impossible to simply live.
It seems to me to be absolutely ridiculous. Especially, when I did have a job that used to make me more than enough and was simple and I quit. I promised myself that I would NOT regret that, but damn, I have been thinking about it these last couple of days and it sure looks a lot like heaven right now. Fuck. So, once again to steal a song lyric to reflect life....yet again, I'm hustlin', I'm hustlin', I'm hustlin'.
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