Am I Crazy?

Dude, I had it all planned. I really did. Super plan. I was gonna go on tonight’s date and just find my guts and lay it out. I want to sleep with you –it will be fun and feel great and now you just need to provide me a private place to f-your brains out. I was all set to discuss my condom allergies (I already have the non-latex variety), what he was comfortable with, favorite positions, and let him know I don’t have any STD’s, etc. The whole nine yards.

Then I was gonna go for it. Grab that brass ring, in the ‘do you dress to the left or right?’ sense of the word ‘ring’. Or at the very least be provided with his articulate argument as to why not, which I can accept with grace and dignity as long as he is open about whatever reasoning he has that we shouldn’t.

Then my body decided that would be a bad idea. I got a memo from management that said, “I’m afraid the area you want to use is booked solid for the next week by the Red Rose Chapter of the Abstinence Society. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Damn it. --This also means I am feeling crampy, unloved, and hormonally miserable today (Plus, worked out with weighted fitness ball yesterday so everything aches).

So, I get to look forward to another sexless date, where he probably won’t say I look nice or put hands on me. This is getting a little ridiculous. I may be a slightly fast mover –and I get this. I am attempting to be very patient with him and I like him very much. But, I seem to be putting forth a little too much. I have –given him my phone number and real e-mail address, I have had him over to my house, I have complimented him, and I kissed him. I don’t have –his phone number or real e-mail address and never been invited over. I did recently get a ‘you look nice’ after I told him he looked nice and he at least seemed like he enjoyed kissing.

I don’t get it, I really don’t. I don’t love for money, I never ask him to pay. I am simple and available. I am pretty and like him. I don't get all clingy, upset if he doesn't e-mail me (well, I try hard not to). I’m honest, loyal, and fun. And I am reaching a breaking point with my patience here. I need him to ‘man up’ and do so quickly. Otherwise, I have a feeling I would be the guy in this relationship, and I am genuinely getting exhausted chasing his damn skirt. I don’t really need that. I need someone who could take care of me the way I could take care of them. 

So, now I look at all the ways that I have put myself out there and see them as idiotic gestures of desperation, especially considering the non-reciprocation for certain elements. This is downright disturbing as I am most certainly not desperate or unattractive to other boys. Cannot genuinely tell if I am indeed looking at this correctly or if this is simply crazy hormonal girlie talk, at this point. Advice is welcome…