The Vent

Okay, the blog officially becomes my vent today and it is for the ladies, so gentleman reading please stop now and find something else to do.

With this being said, the blog today is NOT about my BF and I (a relationship in which things are going quite well and that I have had people recently tell me I simply ‘glow’ when speaking about). Today’s blog is about how irritating it is to have every single single girl at my work become engaged within the last thirty days. And sadly, I am not exaggerating to make my point on this. When I became employed at my work –round about my shift there were only three other girls who were single, and slowly, one by one, they have all stopped to show me their stupid diamond rings and prance, then smile condescendingly at me while they tell me all about how they happened to get them. Honestly, I do try very hard to be nice to everyone, but when they blatantly ignore the look of severe, darting-eyed disinterest, to dribble on and on about where and when and wasn’t that funny….I have a very hard time not vomiting.

Big Fat Jill got engaged while she was away on vacation in Switzerland. Really, I bet the funniest part was when her man accidentally proposed to one of the mountains in the Alps instead of his intended troll bride. But, I digress. It’s not even that I dislike these girls, well, I do genuinely dislike Jill, but…it’s more about that horrible feeling in your stomach when you walk up to the fitting room and there are seven women standing round comparing rings and plans and they ignore you –because you don’t have a ring or a plan. For all my positive thinking and being nice, they don’t even ask how my b-day was. They glance at my ring-less finger, while their horrible assumptions and judgments show right on their ridiculously smug faces.

I say quietly, “I would never want a diamond ring. It would catch on all my clothes and get caught on stuff.”

Jill sneers and laughs, “Well, then it’s good you don’t have one like mine. Its one and a half carats, you know.”

I nod unimpressed by the tacky yellow gold of it and the rather common looking setting as she pushes it in my face once more. It looks like he got it out of a coin operated candy machine to me, but I keep my mouth shut. I give them all a half-hearted smile and laugh fakely with the other ladies, while I silently picture her bratwurst sized finger being torn off in a horrible clothing rack accident. And as I turn and go back to my mindless job putting clothing on racks I hear in my mind, “"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!” Ah, so that was what he meant –“Beware the Big Fat Jill, my son! The thighs that smack, the ring that will catch!” Totally makes sense now.

*Disclaimer -I do NOT dislike Jill because she is big and fat. I dislike her because she is ill-mannered, lazy, unintelligent, and unduly pretentious.