Hypothetically...

Blogging hypothetically --there is this girl and this boy. And they are messing around -because it is Friday night and that is the only night that the boy can pencil in said girl for aforementioned messing around. Previously mentioned messing around occurs. Said boy is sleepy and appears to fall asleep. Hypothetical girl is wide awake and would like to continue messing around all night, however after weighing all options and noting sleeping boy, decides to go back to her house. Now, she figured boy would want to simply sleep and she would let herself out gracefully --but he gets up and escorts her, in a what he probably considers a very gentlemanly fashion (and what she considers watching her because he is convinced she might steal something) to leave. Also, goes and gets laptop, takes it back to the bedroom and plugs it back in, setting it on her newly vacant side of the bed. It was not really her side of the bed --it is the laptop's side of the bed. Girl is highly disconcerted by this gesture as it says to her, "Shake that hooker ass on out of here so I can get on-line and do things I really wanted to be doing rather than entertaining you, as my plan to look sleepy to get you to leave has clearly worked like a charm."

Girl drives home hypothetically feeling very slutty, like she should never have taken her shirt off, and really considering that she might not be very good at messing around, even though she had really considered it previously to be one of her most excellent skills. In a severely desperate gesture that screams 'Please, find me interesting as I obviously have no other skills!', sends boy copies of most sacred novels for him to read (even though she knows he will probably hate them in the same manner he hated the last thing she gave him to read.)

Girl gets five-ish hours of sleep. Makes coffee, reads stupid Yahoo article about 11 Signs He's Not Headed Toward A Relationship With You. Determines boy commits 50% or more of these fatal errors. Feels even worse. Has trouble choking down lunch, as stomach is rolling with anxiety about previous night. More coffee. Works out to get rid of tension. Feels unattractive. Looks at laundry and determines that messing around has ruined $15 lacy date underwear. Damn it. Gets on bathroom scale. Good news, down another pound -squarely headed to 150. Still totally hypothetically, girl decides boy is just really new at this and she is being overly sensitive. Decides to give him another chance this next week and forget about all previously mentioned causes of anxiety as she simply has better things to do. Feels totally better having anonymously gotten all issues out on secret diary blog. Hypothetically, of course.