Okay, so with the intense introspection of a break-up does come some clarity. A new sense of things old that may have come as kind of relief that I did not have to share or divulge them to another person as I consider them large and glaring flaws. Now, in the world of relationship junkies the flaws I have I consider them to be...well, rather small, however, as they have squarely been brought up again it is important to examine them, and if something can be done about them --then I should fix them now.
Weight --I am down to 150lbs. today. This means a celebration as it has taken nearly a year and a couple of months to get down to this and it is my 'goal' weight. So, we set another goal and try to hit that. It says a lot about my self-control and will power, when I'm willing to use it, and says that an attitude change about food was a good thing for me.
Money --Hmmm. Well we figured out it can't buy happiness. However, I am happiest when I don't have to worry about it. This means I need to have a job. Okay, we're fine with that, now we just have to find a job that we like, that pays okay, and start paying off some of that debt that makes me not the greatest dating prospect. I can do that. I have also decided that I need to be more comfortable when a guy wants to pay for things for me on dates. Need to get the Honda a tune-up.
Looks --I'm not the greatest looking girl (I have kind of a funny nose, and my teeth could use some looking after). I don't feel this is a depressing thing. I have some great, great attributes (phenomenal eyes and great hair). But, to be realistic, yeah, we need to get to the dentist and get that fixed --rhynoplasty is simply too expensive, so the nose stays. I do believe that after 30-ish years we finally have Seamus calmed down to looking like a ready and willing gentleman rather than the crazy Irishman he once was.
Personality --I've been doing a lot of thinking about this one and have decided that I like me the way I am on this one. I may be slightly brash, but I'm honest and funny and compassionate --and all of that I like. I have decided this year to be more resilient, to recover a little faster after being punched in the face by life. I have also decided that it might serve me better to play shy when meeting people and warm up later, if I want to. And in reference to boys, I'm just gonna act like I don't care. Oh, you're late all the time --sorry, I'm out. You're not really pleasing me --yep, I have better things to do than work on it with you. Oh, you have huge issues --nope, not interested in hearing about it anymore. Oh, and we don't say 'I Love You' before the six month mark anymore, even if we do. Tired of being hurt, gonna start protecting myself. You want my heart you're gonna have to kickbox me for it.
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