Hope

Yeah, Pandora, we opened that stupid ass box and let out all the miseries upon the world and ourself. So, now we suffer and suffer, but in the bottom there (and sometimes it is a misery, too) there was Hope staring back at us. Whispering horrible 'Well, maybe this or that' at us. Some of the things it suggests are impossibilities, so of them would take some work. Hope is a lot like the seed of doubt, really. But, sometimes it is kind of all you have.

I still have much to be thankful for, even if it doesn't not really feel like much in the face of blaring painful heartache. And I can certainly keep telling myself it was for the best until that becomes true, but I gotta say, much like a muscle ache is worse the second day, today has been rather difficult. I keep thinking about all the things I was dreaming about with that guy. He may have said that he couldn't see himself being with me --but, I truly could. That's the thing, I had great plans, had spectacular visions of happiness and family, vacations and everyday surprises. It's the pain of those bubbles bursting that makes my chest ache and eyes well. So, we move through the stages -denial, anger, hopelessness. Recovery is slow and arduous. Blogs are sappy and depressing (sorry about that one guys, I promise more positive stuff tomorrow).

But, the world doesn't care, which is both comforting and unsettling at the same time. People don't know you are in pain if you show no outward signs of pain. And I'm an actress deep down, so we act fine and be nice, that's all everyone really wants anyway. Always remember that they have no desire to hear about it or see you are unhappy --and if they do, then it is because they do not like you and you being unhappy makes them happy.

Still, there is hope...I didn't do anything wrong. I am still the 'me' I was when I found love and lost it. I was not the one with issues, so....okay, we get back on the horse and start looking again. Someone will love me because I am so very worth loving. I will say this, do you remember when I said the BF did 50% of the things that article said, that were supposed to indicate he was 'just not that into you'? Yeah, I should have cut and run at that point. I have the slightest tendency to see things that just aren't there in guys, like wafting romantic mirages. I will keep that in mind for next time. At least, we learned somethings.