No, I Will Not Date You

Yep, date night already. So, yeah, if I get murdered, it was the guy I went out with from on-line, that's what you tell the cops. I, however, have been subtly sabotaging myself since I set up the date anyway, so right now I am kind of clutching at the positive straw here. But you ask, "How have you been doing that?", so here's the list.

1. Immune system to focused on getting ready to 'maybe' have sex again (and believe me it called up all available staff) that it forgot to work -so now we have a hideous cold sore on the end of our nose. Hence, H the Red Nosed Reindeer. Attractive. 'So, how do you feel about girls with leprosy?'
2. Wanted room to be clean for 'pretend, maybe, probably imaginary' sex, so I cleaned my room until my back is killing me, my knees hurt, and I got a huge scratch down my calf from running into something.
3. Mind is not entirely convinced we should get back into the game for 'now built into mind blowingly wonderful' sex, decides on it's own we should be more concerned with getting to know him by having him talk (great idea for boys, ha.) implements plan by unexpectedly inviting over Aunt Flo. Bye, bye Dream Sex, see ya next year, damn it.
4. Finally decide on perfect dating outfit and alternate. Alternate outfit came through laundry, shirt ruined, shrunk. First pick is still not dry, because I can't run it through the dryer. AHHHH-hhh! Reduced to blowing on it or using blow dryer.
5. Because surfing the crimson tide makes me a little crazy, excitement suddenly becomes anxiety. Keep going over in insane brain answers to simple date questions. Must keep in mind to be interested, but not to try too hard. Personal, but not too personal. Feeling like I should just make a script and give it to him upon meeting.
6. Picked venue I haven't been comfortable in since I was in college. Hoping low lighting will make blemish on face not look too much like a clown nose. Know already he doesn't even like coffee. Sigh.
7. Have convinced self this is probably going to suck and blow due to all previous reasons. Already thinking it will not work out, but still pathetically hopeful that if I just try it will be better for me than sitting here typing my life away being romantic with myself because I don't say 'no'. Shit.

K said if I am this worked up about it that I should just not go, but damn it, I do want to go on dates. I just wish they were easy -I remember it used to be easy. It is simply important to be brave and try. I gotta start getting back out there and trying at least. No hot guys from my desk to the fridge. Plus, today got back down to weight I was when broke up with Ex five years ago. I just gotta be myself and have a cup of coffee with a stranger, who will be judging my attractiveness from the second we say 'hi'. I can do that.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can keep myself from spilling coffee all over my shirt as an escape tactic if things tank. Yep. Prepared.