Nightmares

Hi, people still reading this. So, this trying to date thing...monstrous. I previously told you about 'Plenty of Douche bags.com' and how unappetizing the selection was and lecherous and not serious, etc. So, I researched and researched and there is a free alternative. OKCupid. The blog commenter was male and said that he used Plenty of Tail to get laid every weekend that it was pretty 50/50 girls looking for relationships and girls looking for a good time and that OKCupid was more 75/25 relationships to party girls.

So, I gambled. I put real effort and thought into my profile. Doing good current photos and sending fun honest e-mails. And yes, there is still the initial 'pretty boys who don't know they are assholes' and 'jailbait freak boys looking for easy girls', but I have to say I was impressed with the offering. I managed to find at least seven dudes in my area that had all put a great deal of time into their profiles, who were funny and reasonable looking. Yes, things on the dating site are still remarkably lookist, but I ended up having one full e-mail conversation with a TA at UNL and got a offer to have coffee next week from (a younger than me) IT professional intown. --Note, I did not have to lower my standards on this, so I felt pretty giddy.

Which prompted...dun, dun, dun....the second night of horrifying dreams about my EX. Now, my sister K, being extremely insightful, pointed out that I only attempt dating when I feel like I am in some kind of a crisis, i.e. my joblessness thing right now. So, it seems to be a physical manifestation of desperation. I get it. So, the physical manifestation of my dating regrets crawls right back into my bed, so to speak, I mean the dreams. It's not as cool as the movies, but I really only have one evil X.

The dreams have been really bad the last two nights like I wake-up sweating and my heart is racing like I had a heart attack in my sleep. He doesn't do anything, per say. But, in the first one he showed up in a park, looking happy, with his new wife, who looked pretty, and pushing a baby in a stroller. Yuck. but, in my dream I'm all mad and wistful, creepy lady. Last night we had a fight, him and me and his wife, about the fact that he stole my 20's and made me pay for his school and debts so he could cheat on me and run. I never won an argument with this guy, never, and last night was no exception. I woke up feeling bad that I had yelled at him. Sickening. Arrghh.

So, I am going to pin him up right here on this blog page and not think about it. I am an awesome person with much to still offer the dating world, if I don't get all nervous and f-it up with one of my excellent character flaws. I think it also has something to do with Spring, I get restless for love in the Spring, and maybe that I'm ovulating, because that was totally painful like the eggs I produce now are genetic balls of broken glass still tripping the life fantastic down the wavy, balloon arm guy of my reproductive system. Oh, well. Onwards and Upwards, right?