No, I Will Not Date You

Yep, date night already. So, yeah, if I get murdered, it was the guy I went out with from on-line, that's what you tell the cops. I, however, have been subtly sabotaging myself since I set up the date anyway, so right now I am kind of clutching at the positive straw here. But you ask, "How have you been doing that?", so here's the list.

1. Immune system to focused on getting ready to 'maybe' have sex again (and believe me it called up all available staff) that it forgot to work -so now we have a hideous cold sore on the end of our nose. Hence, H the Red Nosed Reindeer. Attractive. 'So, how do you feel about girls with leprosy?'
2. Wanted room to be clean for 'pretend, maybe, probably imaginary' sex, so I cleaned my room until my back is killing me, my knees hurt, and I got a huge scratch down my calf from running into something.
3. Mind is not entirely convinced we should get back into the game for 'now built into mind blowingly wonderful' sex, decides on it's own we should be more concerned with getting to know him by having him talk (great idea for boys, ha.) implements plan by unexpectedly inviting over Aunt Flo. Bye, bye Dream Sex, see ya next year, damn it.
4. Finally decide on perfect dating outfit and alternate. Alternate outfit came through laundry, shirt ruined, shrunk. First pick is still not dry, because I can't run it through the dryer. AHHHH-hhh! Reduced to blowing on it or using blow dryer.
5. Because surfing the crimson tide makes me a little crazy, excitement suddenly becomes anxiety. Keep going over in insane brain answers to simple date questions. Must keep in mind to be interested, but not to try too hard. Personal, but not too personal. Feeling like I should just make a script and give it to him upon meeting.
6. Picked venue I haven't been comfortable in since I was in college. Hoping low lighting will make blemish on face not look too much like a clown nose. Know already he doesn't even like coffee. Sigh.
7. Have convinced self this is probably going to suck and blow due to all previous reasons. Already thinking it will not work out, but still pathetically hopeful that if I just try it will be better for me than sitting here typing my life away being romantic with myself because I don't say 'no'. Shit.

K said if I am this worked up about it that I should just not go, but damn it, I do want to go on dates. I just wish they were easy -I remember it used to be easy. It is simply important to be brave and try. I gotta start getting back out there and trying at least. No hot guys from my desk to the fridge. Plus, today got back down to weight I was when broke up with Ex five years ago. I just gotta be myself and have a cup of coffee with a stranger, who will be judging my attractiveness from the second we say 'hi'. I can do that.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can keep myself from spilling coffee all over my shirt as an escape tactic if things tank. Yep. Prepared.

Cleaning

Okay, so today was cleaning day. I have a severe aversion to cleaning. It is not that I don't like having a clean space, but I hate (HATE) doing it. My sister says I should enjoy the end result and I do. But, my back is killing me and I am exhausted and it has only been like three hours. I still need to sort and do laundry and then put all the laundry away when it is clean. Which being a clothes horse like I am, is actually a very big task. Like a huge task.

I really would like for everything to be nice and ship shape, but getting into ship shape is not as easy as it sounds. So, I am on a break and I will start again at six or seven-ish. I want it to be nice and clean just in case my date tomorrow night goes well. Which is kind of hilarious because there is no way I would bring a guy home after the first date anyway and I would not want to walk him through where he would have to meet members of my family immediately -which would be very unkind, if not slightly creepy.

But, best to be prepared and it gives me a great reason to get it done, which it needed to be. Kristen said it still smelled a little funny from the dog, but he has not been there since October (I finally felt good enough to move out all of his things which was super difficult for me anyway 'cause I'm kind of a hoarder, kind of), so it must be some of the laundry that kind of smells, which is disturbing. So everything is getting a good bleaching. All of it. No place left uncleaned.

I just wish I had a little bit more 'spring' in my Spring cleaning, if you know what I mean.

The Evil of Tuesdays

Hey, it's Tuesday. That's right. Crappy Tuesday.

I don't hold too many superstitions, I really don't. However, I have been absolutely convinced that there is an epic battle being waged every single week and it is the Evil of Tuesday Vs. Good Thing Thursday.

Why do I feel that way? Ah, because bad things happen to me on Tuesdays and good things happen to me on Thursdays. Consistently. Now, today was not bad, but that is as good as a Tuesday ever gets. So, if you lived through it, you are doing awesome. I had two different job interviews today. I 'think' both went relatively well. I will never say that an interview on a Tuesday went totally well, they simply can't due to the evil inherent in a Tuesday. One did garner me a second interview to be held Friday, though, so that was alright.

My Ex broke up with me on a Tuesday. I quit a job on a Tuesday because I could not stand it. The last day of my last job was a Tuesday. Tuesdays, you can't be prepared for them because you prepared for a hectic hella Monday, so by Tuesday you don't have much left. What's worse is that you still have three more days until some kind of break. Gheesh. It's bloody awful.

So, just keep your head down and get through, it's a Tuesday, they are survivable.

Busy Week to Follow...

Yeah, busy weekend. And this week looks likes it's gonna be even busier, or more busy, I can't think of which one is correct right now.

K rented a truck today so now we have to load all of D's furniture today because she doesn't want to do it this weekend, she wants to get it done now so it won't interfere with T's Westlemania party on Sunday. And yes, I said 'Westlemania Party' it is his b-day gift and exactly what he asked for. I will be attending for the food and because I live here too. Awesome.

So, today I was going to clean my room, just in case my date on Thursday goes so well I need private space with this guy, (Which is more of a hope and a good excuse to clean a room I have been procrastinating about cleaning for a while.) but, instead I am getting ready to move furniture, which I really don't want to do. Anyway, I also set up a telephone interview for tomorrow at 1:30pm and have an in-person interview at 4pm. They are both for kind of just jobs I need because I need money. I do not hope for either to be a career and should the state call me I will be taking that job instead, but whatever, I gotta do all the prep and pretend like I totally want them because I NEED the money. Sigh.

Still as far as things go, attitude is positive today and I am ready for a good day. And a busy week ahead. I really need to pick up the story I put down on Friday and really go to town on it. It has some great potential to be a great story if I can just work out some of the more boring moments in it. Great dialogue too.

Well, that's blog for now.

A Question of Service...

Went to Red Robin for lunch today. It is a Sunday, after church crowd was thick and it was busy, busy, busy. We only had to wait about ten minutes or so to get a seat and by that time, having looked at the menu, we were ready to order everything.

Our servers name was Jake, and he looked like he was about seventeen years old. Sweet kid. However Jake was having a very bad day because he was also the server at the table behind ours (who I got to face and watch the whole meal). This table was comprised of about ten, fresh from the mall, over-privileged teenagers around Jake's age, but definitely not his income bracket. Boys dressed in trendy Hollister-Abercombie-what-nots and girls who looked like they were simply posing next to them for the ads.

And they were hands down, some of the worst customers I have ever seen. They treated that poor kid like crap. They made ridiculous requests of him to watch him hop and then complained to Jake's manager when he did not hop fast enough. The flaming queen at the table made an order, then when joked about how whatever Jake brought back he was going to tell him he'd gotten the order wrong and order again. I mean it was painful to watch. Plus, you could see Jake's incredibly frustrated face as he spoke to his manager about it and tried to get the things they wanted. --So, yeah, we were a little neglected at first. But, we knew exactly why and we are good customers who know the value of good service so we cut him some slack.

And then we left him a really nice tip, hoping to improve his day. He had been really tip top about getting us drinks when they ran out and kind of looked like he could use it.

So, this one is to Jake. We wanted to bitch slap those little mall Nazis as much as you did, Buddy.

painting

Couldn't sleep last night for some reason. Didn't fall asleep until 3am. Then had to get up at 6:30am to get to Walmart and buy paint supplies for D's new studio apartment. She is super excited to start living in her little 20 X 20 cell. She wanted to paint it a grey-greenish color called Warm Stone (which actually looked like cold cement to me) but I convinced her to got with a warm yellow-ish beige and leave all the trim white. It looks really nice. Everything pops.

Including my back and my neck and my ankles. I am exhausted. Totally.

On a happy note. Mom bought me some 'date' underwear, which is just silly and funny, and a new sketch book with pencils. I am super excited about both. It was very nice of her to do that at all. She already got us MacDonald's for breakfast. Thanks, Mom!

Anyway, attitude is still positive, although exhausted, absolutely exhausted. Taking well deserved nap. :P

Sometimes I'm an....

So, K & T came home and brought me a bottle of Moscato and a big fat carrot cake. A delicious carrot cake and an even more delicious wine. D apologized for her lack of forethought regarding having to babysit, which she did not even get paid for. So, we drank and hung out and laughed. Especially considering that Mom and sister A were supposed to go straight to the hotel room, which was kind of a relief. Kind of.

But, they didn't. They showed up at 8pm. And we had all been drinking and oddly, it was a much more pleasant experience than I have had family-wise in a while. And we talked and laughed and had a nice visit. Even when R showed up and tried to interject into the conversation about her trip to the emergency room and we all, being already fully saturated with the liquid despair of her life, ignored it and kept having a nice time.

So, I'm not angry anymore. Tomorrow, after a full day of painting, we will see if my attitude is still as content and full of nice feelings -and wine.Who knows? It could be fun.

Oh, and about five seconds ago, I got a confirmation on a coffee date for next Thursday at 7pm (secret spy cheerleaders welcome to attend, in secret of course, to cheer me on) with a hot 29 yr old nerd god.

Hoo-F***ing-Ray!

Angry Day

Yeah, we (as in the royal we) had an angry day today. What is an angry day, you ask. Well, simply put, it is a day when no matter how normal or regular or uneventful things are they make you completely filled with RAGE.

That's correct. Everyone has them, they are in fact completely normal to have. I'm normally a very laid back, composed, sane member of this planet. Today, I just had to bite a big f-ing hole in my lip to remain that way. And no one is exempt from an angry day --I was angry about the stupidest things. A lack of date e-mails when I've been getting nearly two a day for the past two days, a lack of funds to do anything with, a lack of companionship (when normally being alone would be fine), a lack of concern, a lack of good music to listen to, a lack of creative juices to help me write. Every little thing pissed me off.

I totally know that this stuff should not bother me. I know it should not bother me when my roommates have some money and go out to eat (even though when I had $ I had to buy food for everyone). I know that I should not be angry at my sister D for going over to babysit sister R's baby without telling anyone so I had to call her before the buses stopped running, thinking she'd been killed because she was an hour late from work. I shouldn't be mad at R for asking her to babysit as she has to take her piece of sh*t, painkiller popping, baby daddy to the hospital because he's been in 'pain' all day long and needs pain medicine. I shouldn't be absolutely inconvenienced by the fact that R's drama only seems to happen when my parents are coming to town --which they are later this evening. Nor should I really feel totally put out by the fact the T & K pretty much left the house so they would not have to deal with them, which is awesome.

So, yeah, I'm angry. Very, very angry. Things with my family never seem to be simple anymore, which makes me not even want to talk to them. Any of them. And I know that sounds awful, which then makes me feel guilty, because I love my family, I really do. But, sometimes they make me certifiably crazy.

Uh, oh, I think that might make me 'Bi-Winning'.

Nightmares

Hi, people still reading this. So, this trying to date thing...monstrous. I previously told you about 'Plenty of Douche bags.com' and how unappetizing the selection was and lecherous and not serious, etc. So, I researched and researched and there is a free alternative. OKCupid. The blog commenter was male and said that he used Plenty of Tail to get laid every weekend that it was pretty 50/50 girls looking for relationships and girls looking for a good time and that OKCupid was more 75/25 relationships to party girls.

So, I gambled. I put real effort and thought into my profile. Doing good current photos and sending fun honest e-mails. And yes, there is still the initial 'pretty boys who don't know they are assholes' and 'jailbait freak boys looking for easy girls', but I have to say I was impressed with the offering. I managed to find at least seven dudes in my area that had all put a great deal of time into their profiles, who were funny and reasonable looking. Yes, things on the dating site are still remarkably lookist, but I ended up having one full e-mail conversation with a TA at UNL and got a offer to have coffee next week from (a younger than me) IT professional intown. --Note, I did not have to lower my standards on this, so I felt pretty giddy.

Which prompted...dun, dun, dun....the second night of horrifying dreams about my EX. Now, my sister K, being extremely insightful, pointed out that I only attempt dating when I feel like I am in some kind of a crisis, i.e. my joblessness thing right now. So, it seems to be a physical manifestation of desperation. I get it. So, the physical manifestation of my dating regrets crawls right back into my bed, so to speak, I mean the dreams. It's not as cool as the movies, but I really only have one evil X.

The dreams have been really bad the last two nights like I wake-up sweating and my heart is racing like I had a heart attack in my sleep. He doesn't do anything, per say. But, in the first one he showed up in a park, looking happy, with his new wife, who looked pretty, and pushing a baby in a stroller. Yuck. but, in my dream I'm all mad and wistful, creepy lady. Last night we had a fight, him and me and his wife, about the fact that he stole my 20's and made me pay for his school and debts so he could cheat on me and run. I never won an argument with this guy, never, and last night was no exception. I woke up feeling bad that I had yelled at him. Sickening. Arrghh.

So, I am going to pin him up right here on this blog page and not think about it. I am an awesome person with much to still offer the dating world, if I don't get all nervous and f-it up with one of my excellent character flaws. I think it also has something to do with Spring, I get restless for love in the Spring, and maybe that I'm ovulating, because that was totally painful like the eggs I produce now are genetic balls of broken glass still tripping the life fantastic down the wavy, balloon arm guy of my reproductive system. Oh, well. Onwards and Upwards, right?

The State

Today is gonna have to be a quick one as I have a bunch of things to do. But, I have an interesting fact for ya. How long does it take to appy for a job with the State? Well, two weeks to submit an application and answer supplimental questionaire.

So, I've already waited those two weeks and really I'm getting kind of anxious about it so I e-mail them and ask how long the process take and maybe what the steps are. I am respectful and polite. The answer recieved back two days after the e-mails say that the step of having the agency who wants you call you to set up an interview is a....wait for it....3 to 5 week process. To call to set up an interview.

So, with a heavy sigh and unemployment sitting on my shoulder like a pirate with a parrot, I am submitting other applications again today. I am starting to get just a little tired of things not working out. It would be nice to catch a break on something, just a little thing.

Not the end of the world of course, but there were also difficulties with my FASFA recently due to me paying off some loan interest. For some reason when I filled it out it said I was poor, because naturally unemployed people are poor. So, it turned out really well, I was up for Pell and more access to better loans, but then I get an e-mail yesterday that says due to information recieved from NDSL, my expected family contribution if now over 8K. What in the heck? So, I get to call them both and that should be massively fun.

Yep. If the powers that be could cut me just a little slack it would be much appreciated. Totally appreciated.

Plenty of Douche Bags

Yeah, okay. So, last night I was writing right along and felt a little lonely. What does a single attractive girl do when she is lonely at 2:33am? Well, she checks the 'Plenty of Fish' inbox she has been ignoring for the last six months because she had better things to do. I am well aware that as a free site, this is stinky fishy in every way possible. But, I'm still unemployed, so my options are limited.

So, I troll around. Scraping the bottom of the barrel really looking to see if someone dropped something worthy of being saved. I know that I shouldn't do this. I know that even being 'on-line' at this time of the night is giving these drooling internet pornographers the wrong idea. I have some real issues with this site. I have the option on my messages to block people who's relationship status is 'married' from e-mailing me. That's right, I'm sorry, if you are already married, no, I do not want to date you, you cheating freak. Call me picky. And what is worse, is the now there is a big red hyperlink at the bottom of every screen that is for 'Sex Personals'. Really? Dang, that is quality.

Oh, and Mr. 'I'm too attractive to be on this site, but I'm alone anyway', how about you remind me about a million times in your 'About Me' section that there has to be 'chemistry' or 'physical attraction' for a relationship to work. Obviously, it's done wonders for you, up to this point. And even if I am willing to accept your extremely narcissitic character flaw, that place where you describe how you'd like your dates to go and you say "I like quick and dirty. So, a quick coffee and a ****, about 45 minutes..." kind of turned me off. Wow, I now understand that the astericks part of the evening will be unsatisfying and over quickly, because getting coffee takes at least thirty minutes. Not impressed.

Now, all this written posturing is easy to wade through, sincerely it is. However, the real crappy part is when you find a semi-attractive guy, who says he's normal, who describes himself funny and piques the interest of an intelligent girl, such as myself. (Because his profile really was kind of sweet funny.) So, I take the time to e-mail him and get no reply at all. Which causes critical introspection and unrelenting self loathing for even attempting to do this again, when we tell everyone we are really very happy being by ourselves. See, I even busted out the royal 'we' in that last sentence. Sad, really.

It's like me shopping for a cell phone. I don't really need a cell phone, my life is fine without a cell phone. But, all my friends have cell phones and sometimes they do really cool things. So, yeah, I suppose I'll go to Best Buy and look wistfully at all the different models of cell phones and their complicated plans. And yeah, I'm a little waffly about signing a contract with my cell phone, as those are hard to get out of, but you do seem to get better service if you do that rather then pay-as-you-go. Hmmm. But, I have no money to get a cell phone, so I guess I can just look around on the ground for one or pick up an old one my friend is no longer using, but come on, they are not as good as getting a new one myself.

In closing, take the previous paragraph and replace the word 'cell phone' with the word 'boyfriend' and we've just about sumed things up. God, that's slightly depressing.

Chocolate Defeat

Okay, so I applied to be an 'editor' for an on-line web article writing website thing the other day. Just to make articles about certain subjects once a week. They wanted fifteen ideas for articles and an article over 400 words. So, I took a could of hours and pushed one out as I would love to add the word 'editor' to my resume and to give my still awaiting books some credibility. However, just got an e-mail back my article sucked and 'thank you, but no thank you'. I know rejection is a regular part of writing, but it is a sucky part. So, now my blog readership, of one, gets to read the article, because I did take the time to write it so --everyone suffers.

--My Favorite Chocolates --

‘Chocolate’, it is a word that inspires us. It reminds us of picked through Russell Stover’s heart shaped boxes and tore up Hersey’s bar wrappers stuffed under our mattresses. Whether we think of it as a guilty pleasure, a dietary adversary, or our very best friend, we all have some kind of relationship with Chocolate.

Mine is a deep, passionate, loving kind of relationship. We have searched and searched for the perfect chocolate. It is the warm, buttery melting on the tongue at just the right temperature, the fine subtle thread in a warm cup of coffee, or the great semi-sweet edge at the end of a bite of the perfect chocolate cake. It does exist. It is out there simply awaiting the discerning taste buds of a choco-lover, such as yourself.

So, like a great treasure hunter, we stalk the grocery store isles and plowed through the Internet to bring to you these little gems.

The round Lindt Lindor Truffle wrapped in its ultra shiny tin wrapper resembles a Christmas ornament fallen from the tree. It hints at the taste explosion hidden in this small chocolate bomb. These have a low melting temperature so when you put it into your mouth it melts and envelopes the tongue with a rich flavor. The Milk Chocolate is one of our favorites, although they come in Dark Chocolate, White Chocolate, and Cookies & Crème, as well. These are Swiss chocolate, by the way.

Ah, the wonderful center of the Ferrero Rocher, notable for the creamy chocolate lovingly hiding the crunch of a whole hazelnut. Extremely delicious. It is also worth knowing that this Italian sweet comes in many different varieties, including a lemon crème filled and a strawberry crème filled, called Ferrero Garden.

Chocolove Candy bars are an up and comer for a very important reason. People love chocolate. This Colorado candy bar loves people back. Each Candy bar (in flavors like Almonds & Sea Salt in Dark Chocolate and Coffee Crunch in Dark Chocolate) comes wrapped in a love poem. How sweet is that? Literally?

See’s Candies has been making incredibly good candy since 1921. We recommend trying the See’s Chocolate Truffle variety box as it is both affordable and irresistible. The See’s motto is “Quality Without Compromise” and your can taste it. They have a truffle that tastes like blueberry muffins! The lemon truffle is citrus and tangy, perfectly mixed with the chocolate truffles. If you get a box of these you will not want to share, but do anyway as they will impress even the most jaded chocolate snob.

Wait, Ferrero, again? That’s right. We must sincerely insist you try a Kinder Bueno. We bet you thought this one was German chocolate because ‘Kinder’ is German for ‘children’. Or perhaps you thought it was Spanish because ‘Bueno’ is Spanish for ‘good’. But, this is Italian chocolate. And it is amazing. The Bueno is a candy bar so good is it wrapped like a cigar. It is a wafer bar filled with hazelnut crème and coated in chocolate. We love these so much we encourage you to order them by the case on Amazon (as there are only a few stores in the US currently that sell them).

There you have it. Maybe some of your favorites made the list, maybe they didn’t. We would love to know if you have a chocolate candy favorite that we should be trying. If you have not tried one on the list, look for it. A little bit of chocolate does the mind, body, and heart good.

--Yeah, so there you have it. It's not fabulous, but I thought it was okay. On to other things. ;)

Cornbeef & Cabbage

On Thursday I will be attempting a new feat. I'm gonna cook cornbeef and cabbage for my family for St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, I know it doesn't seem like a huge deal and other people do it all the time, but let me tell you about how I used to cook.

Once Upon A Time, there cooked a princess with a horrific record....

Incident One: Screwed up flake mashed potatoes. Added too much water, thought continual stirring would eventually thicken potato soup into mash potatoes. This did not occur.

Incident Two: The mac and cheese mishap. Did not read directions on box thinking they were beneath me. Did not strain macaroni, simply added cheese. Applied the 'stir until it thickens' principle with the same fruitless results as Incident One.

Meats: I don't get it, so is there always supposed to be grease smoke so thick it burns your eyes everytime?

Cooking W/ Alcohol: For a while there I even tried that drinking and using alcohol in my cooking idea to become a better cook. I honestly have no idea how this phase of cooking experimentation turned out, much like the best parts of college, I remember it kind of like a flashing rave, some hot guy (or was he), and waking up partially naked somewhere. So, I gave it up.

Baking: Now I have become a fairly good baker. The precision of measuring and reading a cake box seems to suit me. I have even branched out in search of making the perfect moist cake. It used to be the perfect frosting, but I lost my taste for frostings, they seem too sweet to me and very rarely compliment the cake appropriately. This I am still working on.

So, knowing all of this (I hope it was kind of great like a fuzzy flashback), now you can see the importance of my message. It's like a precaution to have the local fire department on speed dial, just in case I don't blog.

The Long 'Arm' of the Law...

Okay, this one is an answer to an age old question that I have always had about myself. Why is it that all my Ex’s become police officers? I swear to God it is almost a requirement that you sleep with me before you get on the force here.

So, with St. Patrick’s Day on the horizon and my redheaded Irish (although very diluted Irish) blood a stirring for massive drinking and merrymaking, I set about thinking and found an odd connection. Many Irish immigrants became policemen when they came to the states, so many in fact that it is kind of an old stereotype.

Ah, so, I think perhaps it’s getting to close to my Irish-American flame that may indeed spark this behavior of becoming law enforcement for my Ex’s. So, unless you like picking up criminals, you had better stay away from my lucky shamrock covered underwear. It’s dangerous and you’ve been warned.

Cheering up --slightly.

So, last night I was feeling down. I know, right now, you are thinking to yourself, if you follow this blog, that I go from up to down pretty quickly. It happens to a lot of people actually, so stop thinking I'm bi-polar or something, dear reader.

In order to attempt to recover some of my ultra bruised self confidence, I stopped writing for a day and just went back and read a few things I have written, but have yet to publish. And ya know what? They were good. Really good. I finished reading, making a couple edits as I went, and felt very accomplished. They are good, they are worth reading and God damn it I am going to get this stuff published --whether anyone other then my friends and family read them is the world's stupid problem.

I've even decided I don't give a shit if I make any money doing it anymore. I'm not gonna stop and I'm not gonna let this ever depressing, ever crappy planet of people hinder me. It has taken me nearly 33 years to find out this is what I want to be doing, so it doesn't make any difference if I'm good at it right now. Things worth doing well are worth practicing. I would not sit down to a piano and expect to play simply because I love piano music. Maybe this writing thing is like that, too.

So, while I'm feeling fiery about it, I'm blogging it to ya. I shall conquer with persistence and tenacity, no matter what happens. My books are fun, inspiring, romantic, funny, and good. Someday the whole world will know. Or maybe like four people. Whatever.

That means I am back on my story again. See ya on the other side of a cover, bitches.

Re-Focusing on What Matters

Sorry about not blogging for a while. I have had my mind wrapped up in my own problems for a while. That's right, friends, I was depressed as I have been relegated to Justin Bieber's mistress, as he was seen in public with this new girlfriend, Selene 'I'm a total slut' Gomez. Yeah, I know, heartbreaking.

I know that he, of course, still loves me as he sings me songs that can only be written specifically for me and dances our special dance moves while he's on tour. I also know that he is super famous and must therefore protect me from the lime light by pretending to go out with other thumb-sucking Mouseketeers and like it, but you know he doesn't want to. He'd rather be with me curled up on a couch discussing famous masterworks of art over a nice glass of pinot noir, while I finally get that God damn hair out of his face with my hand.

And it's true, sometimes he still wets the bed, yeah, he's young, it happens. But, he simply hands me his gold card and begs me not to tell anyone. Plus, it is kind of statutory of me to be with him anyway, so we wait and laugh about how squeaky clean Britany Spears seemed to be when she got famous --still a virgin, sure, we believed you. ha, ha.

Anyway, like I said, I was feeling kind of depressed about it so I didn't blog for awhile. But, then some other no talent twelve year old reminded me how lucky I am by writing a fabulous song for me. So here is the link. Listen to it yourself so you know what it is like for me --because I am not his girlfriend, I just totally sleep with him and spend his money. So, I'm more like a super naughty nanny or something.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP1WqkqDcpo&feature=player_embedded

Chocolate Pudding

Yes, that's right, today's blog is about pudding. Pudding is delicious. It is awesome and makes a fine dessert.

Honestly, that's all I got.

I knew I should have gotten a Tauntaun instead....

Finally finished my Cyberpunk story. Started 10/2010, finished 3/2011. Dang. I love Sci-fi, but I am not sure I am that great writing in the genre. I have a couple other Sci-fi stories started, but I am never quite sure if they are good.

It's like I tell my little fan-fic friend --I would never write fan-fic because I can't write in someone else's world. I need the control. I am God in my fiction. It is a wonderful, heady feeling of power. Which can only be properly foiled with the feeling of utter powerlessness when you have a block or get stuck. Or you want to make something happen, but the rules you have already plot pointed prevent you from doing so.

I really do love Sci-fi stuff, but then you run the risk of having to develope like a whole universe and people ask you ridiculous questions like "Why would you use a lazer blah, blah, blah, aliens, yada, yada, yada, rebel alliance?" And I don't know if I'm prepared for that yet. That is why I like urban fantasy and cyber punk. Because everyone know what things are like now or were like recently. I am a lazy god.

Anyway, back to the writing grindstone. I'd like to actually finish another couple of things soon. I was writing something really good about a high school return type romance, but it is halfway done and already as many words as my first novel and that is bad --you heard me, bad. So, I dropped it until I can come up with a way to cut my verbose free writing approach. Sigh.

Then there's cover designs. I have the cover for my first book, but I want to publish the stories first so I am trying to get the covers for the stories. -Then it will be on to copyrighting, ISBNs, and UPCs. and that is all money so --on to making money, I guess. Well, paying money to maybe sell a couple copies. Gheesh.

Write or Die!

Okay, so I am writing today's blog, about writing. Because I got stuck. Not like writers block, more like writer's overload. I have a story I need to finish. Need -to finish. It is so close I can taste it, but I find I am never in the right frame of mind to do it. Then I have about four others that I need to work on. And last night I got an idea for a new one.

It's killing me, I'm having writer's ADD. It's like trying to get a guy on a first date to listen to the average girl he took out, when they are having dinner at a strip club. Impossible.

Plus, I am having a physical on Thursday for my new job and I rented 'the Crimson Tide' to watch this week, if you know what I'm saying. Urrghh. And I gotta go get the car re-licensed and do a bunch of laundry and etc, etc. The list goes on. It is incredibly frustrating. Also, my little graphic designer has started working with me on the cover for the second book and I am just not open to ideas right now, so I know she is getting it like a pie in the face every time we discuss something. I am trying not to let it get the best of me but, I am in a foul mood today and everything smells funny. Including me.

So, I pray not for serenity, I pray for concentration, inspiration, and chocolate.