Bad Dates

So, if anyone would like to remind me why I even fucking try to go on dates that would be most appreciated right now. I try and I try and I try and it never works out for me. Ever.

To quantify, I am writing this on less than 8 hrs sleep for the last three days, a little intoxicated, and extremely hormonal. I just don't get it. I don't. I have no real idea what is wrong with me that I am destined to be alone. I didn't even make it to a date tonight. This dude lead me on all week with sweet e-mails and giving me his phone number --but when I called tonight to set up a location which he would not settle on even though I asked five times, I got voicemail which made me feel stupid. He also asked if I ever get to Omaha, or would drive up there so we could meet. He provided no picture and the description, although okay, had some major physical flaws which I was willing to overlook for some ridiculous reason. I am so stupid. I'm going to tell him to f-right off, he lost out. Idiot f-caking boys.

FAC with the new co-workers was lame and I did not have a good time. It was boring and the people did not really want to talk to me. Next time I am not going, they can suck it, I have enough friends. Drinks were over-priced and people were fake. Once again I am wondering why I did not just come home and go to bed --or for god sakes why didn't I just do something fun with the Ex that I would have at the very least, enjoyed. I am mad about it as I wasted some very precious free time on hopes and wishes about new people and friends and dates that would have been better spent on sleeping.

And although neither of us really wants to now, I am still going to get in the car and go to my grandma's house with my sister this weekend which means little or no resting. I am bitter about all of it. I miss my best friend. I miss my Ex being my boyfriend. I miss feeling like things were easy. I am hoping with my last day at the old job being last Thursday, that things will start to calm and I will start to find some time for me or happier thoughts, at least, but tonight I wallow in it. Miserable, lonely and too tired to do anything about either of them. I'm going to get into my big empty, cold bed and pretend that I enjoy being the only one in it.