Popular?

There was perhaps a time when I had resigned myself to being this cat lady in the picture, only with wiener dogs. They do provide a great deal of heat. But, somehow with the new job and the weight loss, I have become....hold your breath, wait for it.....popular, somehow.

And I'm not dealing very well with it. Really, I don't know how to handle it...I've never been popular. I have one or two good friends and look around constantly for a nice boyfriend, but that's it. So, in the last day after...being less than kind to Mr. No Show...who called no less than three times to beg forgiveness and try to set something up. I also got an offer to meet with another dude, S, who seems...okay, I suppose, on the dating website. Which I kind of got back on out of shear spite. He texts articulately, which is a new one and very appealing, I won't lie. He is into sports and has a good job. Then, I am out with girlfriends last night and one of them says, 'I have his friend of mine's brother who would like to be hooked up with a girl? What do you think about that?' And I think on it for a minute and I say, 'Well, I can't really turn down a date, so I suppose yes.' So, she may be 'hooking me up' with some dude in the near future. It would still be a very blind date, I'm sure. Then there is the absolute conundrum of my Ex, who, to put it very simply, is the best date ever and only gets better as I know him longer (which NEVER happens, like ever), who I would rather just hang out with than take that crappy first date plunge with any other guy and simply, unknowingly keeps pulling at that ducktape I have all over my heart, at this point. Even my family likes him and they keep asking me what I did wrong on that one. I honestly wish I knew, People. What to do...what to do.

I'm starting to get alittle afraid. I have no idea what they want anymore....offer them sex and they don't want sex. Offer them caring and nurturing and they don't want that. Offer to listen and they don't feel like talking. It's like an odd push and pull tango. Forward, forward, back, back. I rather wish it were simple...uhm, let's see, you right there, I'll take you. That's it, deal done. Everything is so complex. I like you, but you don't like me....or I like you, but you seem to be a liar and yank my chain all the time.....or I'm very loyal and you prefer to cheat with anything that will hold still long enough.

One works to improve one's self, but then all kinds of people talk about you behind your back at work because they are 300lbs and you work out. Or that guy at work who sees you every day finds subtle ways to make you feel kind of harassed -like you wear a blue dress and he plays songs about girls in blue dresses or you wear jeans and he plays 'Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On' by Mel McDaniel or you are thirty years younger than him and he plays 'Born Too Late' by the Poni-tails...the list goes on. It's starting to wear on my tolerance just a little. It makes me wish just a bit that they would all leave me alone....except for K, of course, who I wish was interested still and simply isn't. Yep, all tied up in my mind about this. Can't stand to ponder it anymore. I never thought I would ever have a time when I was worried about too many boys liking me...I just want one.