Hey, aren't you a fox?

Oka-a-ay, so I thought the day was going well. I should have known better -I once again fooled myself into a lovely place of denial and happy thoughts. So, what's bringing me low you would ask...

Woke up like a heat attack victim at 5:13 am this morning, from a horrific spinning nightmare, which went a little something like this. Making out with BF, this is the good part, however, he insists I sleep upon the couch if I stay at his place. So, in the dream I go to sleep on the couch, and wake up naked in the middle of his family Christmas. Holy Sh*t. I don't know anyone and everyone is pointing and saying things about how slutty I am. It was humiliating. I woke up shaking and sweating, with that general feeling of dread and anxiety that lasts all day.

I went back to sleep to try and get some rest (as I will be closing for the first time tonight), sleep in until 11:00 am, having repeat of previous dream. Roll out feeling like I have been jogging all night. Go downstairs and roommate T is eating MacDonald's says straight out -didn't get any for you (however he did get some for K because hers in the fridge when I go to get at pop). Not terrible, I don't really expect him too, but boy, it smelled really good. Take vitamins, K has walked to get her nails done. I wish once more I could afford to get mine done. Scribbled on a pad on the table is a note saying that I should do the dishes --even though T has had the whole weekend to do nothing but sit on his ass.

Fine, do the dishes angrily, not really caring if they get clean. Pissed off now. Finish dishes, go back up to check e-mail and have e-mail from previous work saying that the two rather low level CS positions I applied for will not be calling me for interviews. Odd -and depressing and frustrating. I thought I left the company on good terms, but it seems to me the company may not have had the same feelings for me. Oh, well, will look elsewhere for supplementary employment. Still, it does not help my general malaise. I had been a little excited to go back and have a normal schedule. Rather sad.

So, that is about up to now. However, rays of sunshine --the BF send me an audio book, which is really very good. I have listened to the first chapter and it is enthralling. Thank you, Sweet Loving Boy. Also, bestie's blog is up and she is doing fun things which make me smile. She is so funny. Very uplifting just when you need it.

With that said, I am in the tub to clean up before work and pray that work will not be super crappy tonight. As shift ends at Midnight, I will probably be coming home and straight hop into bed. Wednesday's agenda will begin with searching for more fun jobs, etc. and probably listening to the whole rest of the audiobook, which is free by the way.

Which, if the readerships is interested, is:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-disappear-completely/id117388236

So, we attempt to keep our head down today and blend in with the crowd --"What, me? No, I'm not a fox, I'm just a silly red dog. Foxes, can't stand'em."

I'm number ONE!

This one is for all the firsties reading the blog --I'm a solid number one in my family. I love it. There are many, many good things about being first. I have four little sisters so I handed things down. I was supposed to set the ground rules and precedents --however, I did not do most of that. Everyone is different. The first is supposed to be your leader blah, blah, the second would be the diplomat. I find that really my second sister is the leader and I am more the diplomat --most of the time. But, it boils down better to I'm the brain and she is the brawn (in a pretty way).

Although all the dating/parenting articles about birth order seem to have every opinion possible --I seem to gravitate to firsts. Best friend -firstie, boyfriend -firstie, Ex -firstie. It is so weird when I look at it but there are enough of them to make for a whopper of a coincidence. Strange. It was on my mind today as the BF is going to see his little brother today. Every once in a while, in conversation, I will get the feeling that he would love to be doing what his brother is doing right now -which is in school for philosophy, if I understood him correctly.

As I have settle squarely into the 'Striver' category, not the 'Achiever' category I long for, I can empathize with how hard it can be to see a family member doing really well, and feeling like I might not be doing, let's just say, as well for now. However, as mentioned previously, everyone is different. Success is measure by us, ourselves. I may not be totally successful by everyone's standards -but, I'm working things out. School, yeah, still working on that one, but so close I can taste it. Career, so I'm working at Target, so what, it's for money. Family, I've got a great one. Friends, they are frigging awesome. Here's a new one --social life --hey, I've got one and it's fun. Hopes and Dreams, I took a year off working to write and I have some great material, just gotta keep plugging away on it and I can make them come true, in a publishing sense. Health, I did lose another pound and that torturous job seems to be helping stay active (not that I wasn't super fine beforehand, but I am just getting hotter looking which is a plus). Hey, that is a really great list! Not too bad at all.

So, after a much needed auto foot massage, I got up and cleaned my room top to bottom. Moved some furniture, swept the floors, took a cigarette break and danced around my room, did laundry, and ate a bowl of coleslaw. Tonight's agenda is to take a long hot bubble bath and paint my toes. Oh, and actually take the time to redo all my erased playlists on ITunes, which I have been putting off as I am a little lazy.

Oh, and just in case your interest was piqued by the 'Boyfriend Travel Game' these are the tracks I sent:

Night One: http://youtu.be/I26-ZRQBxA8
Night Two: http://youtu.be/ptVKfiE0O5M
Night Three: http://youtu.be/ImKY6TZEyrI
Night Four: http://youtu.be/B3kFPBtc9BE and http://youtu.be/jJOzdLwvTHA
Tonight's: http://youtu.be/aHx4BlF6V2o

I think they are all pretty good. We shall see when he gets back which ones he liked. Or I do take suggestions and requests. :)

On the Oregon Trail of life...

This one is a little warning to all my traveling friends and loved ones. Be safe hauling ass in your wagons westward (or eastward for that matter) on those trails. People drive too fast and don't look around enough. Be so very careful as you are important to me and I would like to have all of you back safe after your various weekend activities. Wear that seat belt and go just a little slower for me because it's not that important to make it any place faster if you never make it. Oh, and avoid dysentery, if possible, and if I remember correctly from the game, snakes, as well.

Oddly, on a weekend when just about everyone I know is out of town, headed for fun summer activities, I am at home waiting to go to work and working the whole damn weekend pretty much after that, which blows --totally blows. I'm not jealous, per say, but it does give one the distinct feeling of being left out. Still, I can't say much, I need the work and the pay check from it pretty badly, at this point, and really my idea of 'roughing it' is staying at a Motel 6, so camping has never really been my thing. There are bugs and too much sun and awful things happen like when you roast marshmallows they get sticky all over ya and you have no place to wash thoroughly enough to get not sticky for three days. Yuck. Still, I like the way fire smells outside and hanging out with people.

As mentioned previously the BF is off to the races, so Thursday night I invented a new game, which I thought the readership might enjoy as some of them also have boys who travel extensively. It's called simply enough 'The Boyfriend Travel Game'. And how it works is that every night I send the BF a song, to let him know I am thinking about him. I know it's a little sappy, but it's like putting a note inside a lunchbox. Kind of a sweet surprise, a little surprise kiss. Gives ya that quick feeling of warm fuzzy good, like an arm tossed over you in the middle of the night saying 'Hey, I'm right here.' So, I kind of tailored the songs to be little catchy romantic things. He seemed to enjoy it. This same effect can be achieved by putting a little note in their suitcase before they leave for somewhere, as well, or like I said in a lunchbox.

When I was a very much younger girl, I had forgotten something important and my Dad had to bring it to school for me (let's just say it was of the feminine variety and I could not live without it). When he dropped it off, he uncomfortably handed me a big brown paper bag and gave me a hug and left. So, I ran down the stairs to the restroom. When I opened it up there were a variety of feminine products, but on top of all of them were about five Lil Debbie brownies and jelly rolls. It was his way of saying he cared, that he loved me and wanted me to have a good day, and I will never forget it. So, I try subtly sometimes to affect people the same way --you can never tell the moments that people will remember, but I try to make them like that. Subtle, tactful reminders that I care.

I love Indiana Jones!

Finally, the apology I've been waiting for....F you, George Lucas.

Chemistry

Okay, we this evening my sister K and sister D went to see Thor. We had a wonderful coupon that got us all in for $5, which is one of the best coupons I have signed up for ever really. I love movies. I watch a lot of them --like a lot. I've seen some great stuff and I have seen some real stinkers. I will admit that I like superhero movies --and luckily there have been a lot of them out in the last five or so years. I loved the PS at the end of the first Iron Man movie that let you know that if this one made enough money they would be working on an Avengers movie. I have kind of been watching the individual backstory movies to prep for that. I did not like any of the Hulk ones so far, even the Edward Norton one which had an excellent performance by Tim Roth. I did, however like the Iron Man movies very much and think that really they cast those pretty perfectly. I love Robert Downey, Jr.

So, what did the Thor movie and this blog up until today have in common? --They both had nothing to do with chemistry. Thor itself was a rather fun, effects heavy superhero movie. And if you go in expecting that you will walk out satisfied. It had a nice cast --although the romance between Thor and Jane Scientist had nothing in it. It was as flat as Natalie Portman, people. And really that's like pretty flat. When they kissed at the end, I honestly had to look away, there was just nothing that made me want them to end up together, so then really, you are just watching two actors paid to kiss one another. Stellan Skarsgard, was solid -funny and endearing, and the villain, Tom Hiddleston as Loki was very good, as well.

The comedy was a little overplayed. Especially, (spoiler here) the three times Thor gets hit by cars. The hospital one was the funny one, the others were a good build, but they were positioned too closely in the film to really be appreciated. Much like Spielberg talked about the scares in 'Jaws' --you just can't get away with doing them so close together. Now the big shocker for me, not having followed the buzz up to going to the movie, was that it was directed by Kenneth Branagh. --If he can pull so much chemistry out of 'Much Ado About Nothing', why did the romance in this fail so miserably? I was shocked. Anyway, I guess I may have expected too much out of that and that is why it disappointed me. Oddly, I felt like Stark and Pepper had great chemistry. This just did not do it for me. But, with that said, it is a fine action movie, some moments were visually stunning and CGI seemed to be integrated fairly well, not super well, but better that 'Clash of the Titans', etc.

And honestly, my sisters are now in love with Chris Chenworth, who was Thor and does have a nice body. I am more of an Iron Man girl, so I will stick with my Tony Stark, thank you very much. I am a sucker for those smart boys. I will say the Captain America trailer looked intriguing. I may have to go see that one as I really liked Chris Evans in 'The Losers' and 'Scott Pilgrim vs. The World', even though the CGI was highly visible even in the preview. I know the Avengers movie is already filming so I am still waiting on that one, but I will definitely go see that. And for the record, this one was worth the $5 I paid to get in.

And I don't care how cool Samuel L. Jackson is, every time he walks on the screen, ah la the PS as Nick Fury, I think in my head --"I'm just so tired of these m*therf*cking snakes on this m*therf*cking plane!" Me too, Big Sam, me too.

Don't Stop, Get it, Get it...

Trollin' youtube and ran over this track -two great songs I liked very much --made into one great song I really like, as well. Check it out, Bogs and Ghouls.

Also, if you're a fan there is a Daft Punk vs. Gorillaz mashup -DARE Funk which was spectacular. Really cool. Will blog again tonight after the movie. Peace out.

My Dawgs Are Barkin'!

Okay, so work tonight felt as though I wore these shoes in the picture all night. I would give my last bloody dime for a foot massage. And I am not a wuss. I have had doctors and dentist who have commented that I have a very high threshold for pain. Long intense aching pain --but my feet hurt so badly I could just scream right now. I don't know --my shoes are great, they're Nike Woman's Cross Trainers (I know because I buy a new pair every year and they are one of those things I don't skimp on as far as cost, because they are worth it), but the shoes seem to make little or no difference tonight. Ow, ow, ow.

Had a very positive conversation with old work today about getting back in. I thought it went well, but what do I know. I just stay positive and let things happen right now. Also, got asked at current job if that was my only job -which as commented on in the last post is a fairly regular thing to have two jobs when working there. I am a little slow at putting things out, but I'm sure I'll get faster. We shall see. All I have to do is try my best and have a smile on my face and I can do that.

Got home and was the only one who did not get to eat out tonight. The fam was in town briefly for my mom's stress test (which went well) and they went out to eat, and the roommates went out for Runza. I had a cheese snack before I went to work, but no out food. So, I felt somewhat left out, which sucks. I'm hungry, in pain, and no one really cares. Sigh --well, that is how life goes some nights. Best put on my big girl jammies and suck it up. I'm sure some pain medicine and some sleep will help.

Honestly, I used to muse that if someone showed no outward signs of pain --did pain really exist? I say 'no', but in discussing the concept one time with someone I can't quite remember they said that if it is a swelling or something there would be indications in the muscles of pain anyway, so 'yes' it would.  That one is always followed by my 'What if you saw purple differently than everyone. Like when you saw an apple it was purple, but everyone said it was red so even though you saw it, and all red things, as purple, you would call it red. You wouldn't know any different maybe.' Someone said that the cones in our eyes determine color so we all see the same colors --but, secretly, I think sometimes wires in the brain get crossed and it could be possible. It seems possible to me.

So, tomorrow is gonna be good. I swear. Day off, so that is a plus right off the bat. And tomorrow I'm using my theater coupon to take a couple sisters to that movie Thor. It looks cheesy and good, and the BF did enjoy it when he saw it so, it should  be fun. Other than that I am doing a bunch of cleaning and probably working-out like usual. Yeah, real fun. I want to comfort my aching arches with some late night MacDonald's I feel like I deserve it --however, I'm not sure I can hobble to the car. Better just go to bed.