ZomBie Dating Month

And we're back from the break with a whole 'nother slew of scatterbrained dating problems. You know I always thought that I might take all these ridiculous blogs and put them in a book -but it's kind of Sex in the City and kind of Bridgette Jone's Diary and that makes it kind of like already done. Plus, it's all Midwest and as I understand it coastal peoples hate that crap. Secret: It's because they are jealous of our flat, brown land.

So, I have dubbed April as Zombie Dating month as there were several resurrections -sadly not involving erections of any kind. Mr. No Show e-mailed me the creepiest e-mail ever asking that I meet him at a hotel room on North 27th -for our first date mind you. So, I put two in the head to make sure it was dead on that one and walked away. Never talking to him again. Ever. In more pleasant news I have also had two nice conversations with Mr. EU/PA -who sadly has been rather physically unavailable, but I'm not changing his title just yet. I really did like him even if he is an a$$hole and will remain one. Plus, he is fun to flirt with and I know if I can ever get to where I can see him, he would let me in his pants again, so there is that. Fun...anyway....

The Nerd Prince is still around, still riding in to save my bacon and make me happy in his way, every single day. He is as I told the bestie, "as usual putting all the men I date to shame." She called him the 1%, in reply. I have been on the brink several times of just jumping back in and begging him to be my man. I never tire of him, and this is the problem. Eventually I would tire of all of them -I can already tell. It's the minor eye rolling when they are being absolutely stupid and the suppression of my natural instincts around them that tell me it won't work. With him it's not like that -we have gone passed that to comfortable in each other presence -it recharges my batteries to be near him. And that is scarier than zombies. That "what if" I blew it with the perfect guy? What if I have to watch him move on? He is my friend, my charger, mine damn it. And the world simply can not have him back. Nope, not gonna do it. Everybody just step away from him, unless you want to deal with me. Gawd damn, no sex friend zone. F-F-F

And speaking of not getting any. Mr. English is still around. Yeah, I know I said I was gonna break up with him, but on the night I was gonna do it he took me to Cracker Barrel. And I friggin' love Cracker Barrel. I am after all a cracker. So, I couldn't go through with it --so as usual I dug the hole deeper as he is the only play I am getting at all. I went on another date after that and after messing around I asked him to be my BF. I think it's a big honor. He did not. He said, "I gotta mull it over." Which sent me into a frenzy of anger and disappointment. Huge disappointment.

So, now I get to choose if I want to straight up break up with him or like a flasher in a parking lot, just throw open the trench coat and show him all my huge flaws that I have been protecting him from. Bam -I suck at keeping to a budget. I want sex all the time and I don't wait for you. Pow -I don't clean, at all, my room is a huge mess. Crack -I go crazy on my period. Bam - I drink and smoke and enjoy both of them. Pow -I can eat a Big Mac in like ten seconds flat and fluctuate about ten pounds in two weeks all the time. Up/Down that is just how it is.  OR I could just be honest and say I sometimes don't like how he talks down to me, that  I might just want to have kids, and that he is moving too slow for me. Because all that stuff is true and not as overwhelming as the personal flaws would be. Hmmm, I'm gonna have to mull it over, I think.