Hey, Guys, what is going on? Some interesting things happened tonight. I was talking Enneagrams all day with the bestie. Which kind of prompted a numbers game. Right now she has a five and an eight that she is dealing with and we discovered that I have a five and an eight that I am dealing with. For me the five is the Nerd Prince Ex-friend, K, and the eight is Mr. EUPA, S, who although I wanted him out of the picture, keeps bloody walking back in anyway.
So, I also got in the mail a catalogue from Helzberg jewelry, which showcased all of their beautiful Ruby Valentine's Day sales. I love Rubys. They are my birthstone as I was a July baby, after all. The only NICE jewelry I've ever bought for myself was ruby rings. And they do have some very pretty ones. This got me to fantasizing about Valentine's Day. As a perpetually single girl, V-day has never been really anything more than disappointing in reality, but in my hardcore fantasies it's marvelous. When I was actually in a terminal relationship, my bf got me one year for Valentine's day....cable. It was by far the worst gift I have ever gotten. Ever. And this was when he was still telling me he loved me. Now some girls, they poo-poo Valentine's Day as frivolous and unnecessary. Those girls secretly wish someone would send them flowers at work and still want their man to do something special, nice for them, or to them.
But, I am a diehard romantic, at heart. I have a thousand and one sweet, sexy things that I wish for and could do for my boyfriend. But, wherefore art thou, Boyfriend? I had this great idea at work that perhaps someone would ride in and get a hotel room at the Cornhusker (it's connected to the building I work in, so there is only a skywalk walk to get there) and kidnap me at lunch for a romantic tryst. It was a great daydream. I like little dirty e-mails or texts a bunch to, but don't get those either. The bestie told me that the days of grand romantic gestures were dead. It broke my already taped together heart to hear it. They can't be dead, I never got any of them. The only time my Ex ever gave me flowers was after he'd cheated on me, so at the end there I was getting them weekly. I long for them to have a different meaning. To be saved from mundane and thoughtless, so that I can be grateful and full of admiration for a man.
I have almost lost hope that either of the gentleman in my life currently will provide this for me. Not that they are bad...they just don't love me the whole way. Or even really want to admit that they care about me at all, if they do. It's not their faults, in fact, it's probably me, but I wish it was different. Sometimes I just want to grab them and shake them, "Why aren't you in love with me? Are you God damn crazy? I'll give you everything...everything you ask me for. Just ask and I'll give it to you." But, they would both just walk away. And I'd be alone, like usual. Sigh. However, they are good to me in their own ways.
My five, who is so sweet and wonderful on so many levels, is getting a Valentine's Day gift. I bought him one today. It is perfect for him, I think, and shows that I know his tastes, but wish to elevate them, as well. I took a great deal of time to pick it out, just for him. I'm excited to give it to him. Even if he doesn't get me anything...which is a distinct possibility as we are 'friends'. But, ugh, come on, really?Fives are the investigators...I understand our relationship and on some levels I don't. I think I will become a corpse before he ever makes a physical move on me again, but then again, he may never. And speaking of physical moves, now, my eight may simply be getting an e-mail card. I haven't decided yet what I am doing with him....literally. I love banging and even if I hate him when he talks to me, I like him a hellva lot when his face is between my thighs. I realize that's fairly course and unladylike, but I'm only human and I like getting busy, a lot.
If my five should ever developed an enjoyment of such things, he would be the perfect man and I would have to simply become his slave. Or if my eight should suddenly wake up one morning a gentleman who treated me with respect and care, I would have to chain myself to his bed and stay a while. As is, we sneak out before eight wakes up and sigh wistfully as we show our five out the door when we would like to simply invite him to spend the night. Because, surely with this much practice, there will be a time when someone shows up to sweep me off my feet because I love just the way he needs to be loved. Diehard Romantic Out.
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