5 Reasons You May Be Single

So, today's, rant, I mean blog is in reference to an article I read on Yahoo this morning called '5 Reasons You May Be Single', to give it a frame it is Match.com that puts out this tripe. Now, I like most people will read dating articles in the hopes of learning great tips and tricks for good relationships and dates. This article did nothing, but piss me off. Look at this happy girl in the picture. I mean she looks happy, right? Wrong. According to this article she is sabotaging all her dates by her 'not positive' thinking. No wonder you are single, you poor pathetic looking girl, the thoughts inside your head are awful, wrong thoughts of finding happiness and security in a long loving lasting relationship. You should be thinking of manipulative ways to really snag one and make him miserable. So, I have developed my own --top five reasons this girl is single. Ya ready for them, some may surprise you. 1). If I really were looking for a relationship, I am more than capable of finding one and locking in. Sadly, I am not really trying. I enjoy getting the whole bed to myself and not having to ask someone to spend the money I earned on shoes. 2). The male community is not putting forth their A game on this one. I have been looking and sure there are some pretty ones out there. But, when they open their mouths the best thing that comes out is drool. If you say you're funny, be funny, not an asshole. 3). I like being single. Sure, it's a bitch to file taxes single every year and be ass raped by the government for it. But, if my biggest worry is being accosted by a family member asking me why I still single. I think I can handle that. 4). If I am not entirely focused on my relationship and its up-keep, I am allowed to focus on about a billion other things that are worthy of time. I write, I keep up with friends, I give focus to honing skills like writing, exercise, being creative, and having fun. 5). My attitude, though I think is positive most days, is indeed my attitude. If I am fronting on a date with an attitude that is not my normal one --why the hell would a guy want to be with someone he won't recognize the next day. I like my attitude, it's taken me years to develop it, so I'm keeping it. Because I like being me --single and happy me. Now as a final thought on this, let me just say, yeah, there are days when I get lonely. Even people IN relationships have them. But, it is normal. Just like it is normal for humans to want what they don't or can't have. It is much more difficult to see, really see, everything you have and be content and grateful, but that is what we need to work on because that will make you a truly happy person.

One True Love

Yeah, okay so I was saying yesterday that I have become overly cynical and thought that romance was 'done'. But, I realized I have had one love that has always been there for me. Loyal, comforting, delicious. That's right, God damn it, it's MacDonalds. Ever since my first french fry I have been in love with him. Yes, old MacDonald you may have had a farm, but you slaughtered all the tasty animals on it and served them to me smothered in special sauce and MSG. To win my heart with the poetry of silly songs and catchy slogans, while subtly reaching your hand into my pocket -for just a little money. My dirty, filthy love. I crave thee late in the night and you open that magic sliding window of love to offer me bounty. You serve me with a bigger straw than any other fast food restruant has ever thought of offering so I can suck down a large fountain Dr. Pepper and get another refill of your sweet love. This morning to reward me for getting up and in the car before noon, you offered me not only two sausage burritos, two hash browns, and a pop, but whispered in your smooth Barry White timber, "Hey, why not go for it, get the big breakfast, as well, you naughty thing." And I blushed reaching for my wallet. Yeah, just this once it will be okay. I've been working out. The magic food screen flashed at me a message that said. "Yeah, I can tell you work out, you look awesome, Baby." Yeah, MacDonalds, I will always love you. No matter what. Thanks for loving me back in a fat, fat way.

Stick a fork in it--it's done.

So, I have been musing lately upon the death of real romance. Now, now, now I hear you all clamouring to tell me it is not true, but honestly, from what I have heard it may have never been at all. It is not just the fact that corporations have stolen from us the real meaning of Christmas or convinced us that buying little teddy bears is what a girl really wants, to me it is looking at all the day to day struggles and wondering if there ever was really time for it. Maybe it is a working class sentiment, because it seems to be that if you had enough money to not be working all the time or taking care of kids, perhaps there would be time to stare deeply into someone's eye and really get to know them. Instead of make their lunch, do their laundry, see them briefly at dinner, then maybe have quick sex while you count on you fingers how many hours of sleep you'll get. Perhaps I am just feeling cynical, or more so then normal, today. I certainly don't mean for this to be a downer. I love the concept of romance. However, I find myself in a quandary. It seems like all the guys are one or the other extreme --too shy, overly sensitive, fluffer-nutters who want you to make all the decisions and be their Mommy or overly macho aggressive smarmy cheater player types who posture like rainforest birds. Am I off the mark here? However, I find, by the same token that I have become some sort of weird, meant to be alone, hybrid woman. A little aggressive, funny, and outgoing with friends, but with a need to act like a shy unconfident drooler when faced with an actual guy. This is not to say I am not a happy person or that finding romance in my life is difficult. I treat myself well and remain, at least to me anyway, attractive in appearance. Well, it is just a musing anyway. People are complicated like jigsaw puzzles with missing pieces, we rarely see the whole picture of them anyway. And moreover, if we ever really did, we would either frame it or dump all the pieces in the box and take it back.