Comin' In Hot...

Yeah, m'kay, so thanks to a full day at work, I am feeling a little more down to earth than I did this weekend. Which is good I suppose, readjusting that mask of calm over an interior that is very much jittering from party girl withdrawals. So, the bestie sent me a new song. Damn it is good. I listen to this one about a million times today.

We did a lot of talking the bestie and I today over the e-mail. Which felt good. It felt normal almost like she was in the next cubicle and we were just e-mailing back and forth. I even managed to get some work done. We discussed some of the relationship problems that we seem to encounter again and again and talked a little about a mutual friend M who, wow, just seems to leave us in the emotional dating turmoil mixed dust sometimes as far as problems go. Example: M was talking about how a marriage would not work with Mr. X because he would never leave the country with her, kids blah, blah, blah...I mean real future problem stuff...and it was immediate like first or second date in the relationship. Who makes marriage problems before they are even married? It was just weird.

I prefer to make my relationship problems while I'm in the relationship. I over analyze things, get needy when I told them I wouldn't be, subjugate all my dreams and happiness for their needs, things like that. Sometimes it is funny that even knowing all these things...I will still do them again. I can't seem to analyze out being over analytical about it. And I'm still trying. That's the even stranger part about it. I looked at it and thought today, "Why would I curse someone to love me? It would be pretty damn horrific for them." Don't get me wrong. I like myself a lot. But, I'm probably not a good partner for anyone. Perhaps I am meant to be the loneliest number. Perhaps I am meant to be everyones' best and greatest friend, because if I try to be anything else...I try too hard and f*ck it all up. Is there a cure for that?

Ah, well, not worth dwelling on. I ordered pizza tonight for the roommates and me. So, that should be fun. And really, it was kind of nice to not have to worry about getting the car all ready to go this morning in the snow. There was some weird police presence at the bus station downtown however, that kind of freaked me out. Like four cops all talking to this one big a$$ drunk looking dude. Massively weird. One of the barbs and arrows of outrageous fortune I suppose. Still the mood is up. Got great plans for the rest of the short week and time keeps moving on. Also got off the days I needed for my dental, heavy duty cleaning appointments. Should be a barrel of laughs. Ha, ha.