Don't Over Think It.

I'm not over thinking anything tonight. I decided upon that one when I got out of bed this morning. My V-day was really very good. Honestly. I got a box of candy from a co-worker, had two cupcakes from different people, really got great gifts for a couple people, and had a lovely dinner with K and a couple of my sisters and my brother-in-law. Things went well. No complaints at all.

I am making a great effort not to over analyze things if I can help it. And I can help it. It can be done if I simply stay very busy. I did tell K that I loved him again. In an e-mail. I did it because he makes me happy and not telling him is what seems so unjustifiably weird sometimes. It's not meant to be awkward, I suppose probably because I don't expect him to say it back. It's just a statement of fact, "I feel a great deep sense of affection for you in a way that should only be expressed in the simplest of terms meaning 'love'." I say I love my friends and family, I see no good reason not to tell him when he is so wonderful to me all the time. It does not, or should not, in my mind, obligate him to anything at all.

However, after sending it, I did then feel like he might freak out --I'm an Ex after all and I know some boys would freak out --but, I hope he sees it for the gentle, good thing that it is and is cool about it. Who knows? I am rather tired of trying to anticipate everyone's reactions to everything I say and do. I mean there is general courtesy and such to be observed, but really I can't please everyone all the time so today I pleased me. I tell good people that they mean something to me and that is what matters. If I were to lay down tonight and not wake up...I would be satisfied that I told him once more that he makes me happy and that there is always a safe place in me for him. He is a good man and deserves to know that, even if it may be tough or awkward to hear. My heart's in the right place --still inside my chest doing it's job. I'm not over thinking it. Staying honest can be rough, especially in the crater filled hills and valleys of personal relationships and communications.

My love is a good thing. It's wonderful to have and even more fun to give away to people. I've really got so much of it that I don't mind giving it all away, just as long as I have a little for myself, and that's the way it should be. So, pat on the back, I had fun today, did well at being me. Now I'm going to bed...maybe tomorrow I'll do it again.