A Very Brady Christmas!

Okay, so yeah, I actually got asked today when the next time I was gonna blog was. Proving that some people do actually read this thing occasionally. So, I promised to be more dutiful about it. This is a picture of my first Christmas present this year (Although I did get a nice bag of coffee from the one really great person in my office, as well). Tom Brady jersey courtesy of my bestie in KY. How hot looking is that? Totally. And can you see the big fat smile on my face? Huh, huh, can you? Yep. That is what love is like. A lot like that.

So, let's discuss why I have not been blogging. And this is the hard part because it takes all the mystery away from me and I can't deny knowledge of these things, etc. I have had the inkling that perhaps, just maybe, the Ex was reading my blog. For insight, which is good, but as we are friends, and good friend at that, there have been some things going on that I did not want to disclose for the sake of his feelings. They say, on the internet, that if you date other people, even if your Ex says he is cool with that and does NOT want to date you anymore, it is extremely bad manners and will ruin a friendship to talk about such things with them. So, as I have been most busy when I have been trying to fit dates into my schedule, I have simply neglected to blog about it. I also, and this is not a good thing I realize, will most always harbor some sort of sad, sick hope that some day my Ex-friend might just turn around and say, "Oh, hey, forgot to tell you, I'm totally in love with you." This will not happen. It never does. I'm smart and I know this, however I just can't seem to shake it --who knows if I ever will, so I repress it and act like it doesn't exist.

With that said, I also did something I have never done this last weekend. I set up a booty call. I have never been very good at separating the emotional quotient from the physical part of loving someone so to protect myself I have always said they must be together. I need to be in love with you to sleep with you. Well....as I have also become more comfortable with being alone and my emotional needs for companionship and dating type affection are being met by someone who wants nothing to do with getting in my pants, I have begun to reconsider this notion. So, what happens when that need for absolute physical comes poking its ugly head around? I called a guy who only wants in my pants and for honesty's sake, let him break the damn door down. I don't love him. I kind of like him, mostly physically, but could also never hear from him again and be totally fine with that. I'd slept with him before so I knew he was clean and safe and really not in it for my mind. I made it clear that I didn't want to date him, I just wanted to break off a piece of ass and have done with it. It was nice and really pretty freeing to have a need satisfied that hadn't been satisfied in a while. It's not even that I feel guilty about it, I don't. But, for some reason I feel like if my Ex-friend would read about it he would judge me harshly and probably stop talking to me because I was little more than a base animal at times.

However, after a great deal of thought, I decided to be true to myself. A life lived full of secrets is only half a life. Lies by omission are still lies. I care about the people I love enough to be honest with them all the time, not just when it is convenient. If my Ex-friend thinks I'm a whore, then hopefully he will tell me that or talk to me about it or something, I respect him enough to discuss it, if it makes him uncomfortable. I will not put my life on hold (again) for a man whose mind I cannot read or shelter him from certain aspects of me that may not be as I think he would like me to be. That's not me. So, the blog continues....from now on, commercial free and all-inclusive.