Halloween Pictorial

Big Chip, Little Chip

Devilishly fantastic

Irony is all around us, all we have to do is take pictures of it.

Rachel and Rowan

Roooaa-r-r-r-r-r-r!

I'll have one of these, and one of these, and one of these.....

Rowan and Kristen

Gimme that CANDY!

Great Friday Night

Okay, so at some things I may fail miserably. Right now this pertains to some personal things and to my fantasy football league, where after a horrific Ravens/Jags game I fell to sixth. I also got stood up this week and to put it lightly I am having 'problems at home'. All of this does not mean I had a bad week.

This weeks saviour and really one of the more positive things, has been my friendship with my Ex-BF. We went out on Tuesday night and had a really fun time. And yesterday when I e-mailed him and all but begged him to go out with me again on Friday night --he totally did. He listened to me blah, blah, blah about all my stupid problems and genuinely cared if I was okay. He even let me go over to his house and watched movies with me almost all night, even though he was packing for a trip this weekend, doing laundry, and probably had better things to do. What a sincerely good person. What a spectacularly great friend he is.

I had so much fun. OMG, so much fun. It totally made me forget all the crappy things that had gone on this week and remember that I had a good weekend coming up and that things would be okay. We watched the X-men Rifftrax, above is an except. It was really funny and we laughed and laughed. Then we watched a bunch of the shorts and they were totally hilarious. It was super nice to just sit together on the couch and laugh and laugh. I think he may qualify now as my best 'guy' friend. I've never had a guy friend. I always thought it was true that all they really wanted was in my pants. He doesn't, he just really enjoys talking to me and being around me --so at first I didn't really understand that. It's an entirely new thing. I think I really like it.

It solidified in my mind the fact that we would be friends. Even when I get a new boyfriend, even when he gets a new girlfriend. I'm going to be his friend. We will find the time to hang out. We will still do things together. It is a good thing, a fun thing. He is a great person and a really wonderful friend. He didn't even care that I wore sweatpants (I needed a comfortable night. I simply can't dress up all the damn time.) He really cheered me up and gave me a safe, good place to be when I needed a little bit of cover. I hope someday I can return the favor for him. It meant a lot that he did it, even though it might have been inconvenient.

You know, I thought once we broke up that I would just hate him like I hate my other Ex, just clear him from my mind. But, my other Ex was just not a good person, that was what was wrong with him and that is the biggest difference. I meant it when I said I loved him a few months ago, even now that has not wavered, but it has changed. There are all different kinds of loving. He has carved out his own new category of love from me. It is a pleasantly surprising thing to realize and I'm happy that he taught me it existed. F*ck that 'friend zone' bullshit, this is a really good thing and I'm glad we have it.

Life Bar at Full Again.

So, what did you do yesterday? Oh, me, yeah, it was the first night I have had no plans for a very long time so...when I got home I changed my clothes laid down and went to bed. That's right, I slept all night until this morning and I have to tell you, I feel pretty good about it. I feel well rested finally and like I might be back on track to do more things today. Sometimes you just need a night like that.

Not to mention that there was still a bunch of discord in my home so I wanted to stay out of the way. I'm not sure how that one will turn out, but we shall see. Tonight, when I get home, we will be tackling some cleaning that I have left for a while 'until I had time', which appears to be now. It's not going to be fun, but it does have to be done. And that is really about it. About to re-domesticate myself a little.

What I decide.

Okay, so what's been happening with me lately....work is going really well, still. I trained on the phones for reception yesterday. They will be fairly easy. The system is much older than any I have worked with previously, but it is simple and gets the job done. Work has been good for the most part. It is hard to believe that after this week I will have been there for a full month. Wow. Time flies when you job is simple and easy. It's refreshing.

Had a really lovely dinner and coffee with the Ex last night. He is also doing really well. Getting ready to transition from one job to another. He's a little bit more marketable than I am so he got the new place to pay for his parking downtown. It will be kind of fun to have him close down there. I think we will probably get to go out to lunch once in a while together which will also be fun. I am still debating about what I will do when the snow hits --as far as actually driving or having to take the bus (which is just plain boiling down to being cheaper.)

The roommates are in discord. My sister has been talking to her friend at work about divorce and she is really very dissatisfied with many of her husband's behavioural problems which have never changed over years and years and they still fight about them. I will always support my sister, but I don't know if divorce is the right option. But, I'm not in the relationship so I really have no say....mine is to stand back and support my sister. I guess we shall see what she does. It has been kind of tense here nonetheless.

On the 'dating' front, I got no less than eight (not an exaggeration here) e-mails begging for forgiveness from the random who stood me up on Monday night. So, I carefully considered everything and e-mailed him back with a stern condemnation of his actions and giving him one last chance. One, that's it. So, he is going to set something up....and it damn sure had better impress me. I have shaken off the initial self-doubts and anger about the whole thing. Sometimes timing sucks, sometimes horrible things happen that we cannot control. You have to roll with the punches. Being brave and strong is not easy, but it is achievable if you have the stamina for it --which luckily I do.

I am excited for Halloween this year, as I am going to dress up for work. I have not totally decided what the costume will be yet. It is between an Emo Kid and Poirot. Either costume will be fun, I just have to decide which would be more work appropriate. I will, of course, post pictures no matter what I decide.

Some Boys

Some boys....don't know how to show up to a date. Some boys....will never be getting in my pants because they stood me up and left me sitting alone in a bar for two hours and never showed up. Some boys made me cry even though I've never met them in person and gave them a bunch of chances to be a good person which they threw back in my face.

I, thus far understood that 'putting yourself out there' was hard, but I feel humiliated and stupid. He could have at least called and he did not. What a low-life. What a fucking scam. I am so tired of trying to please and trying to be nice and polite and....failing at this. Miserably failing at love of any kind. I am so...,just mad and sad about it at the same time. I'm hurt and angry. I hate all boys. They are inconsiderate, insensitive pricks. And I don't need them. Any of them. I'm just gonna be by myself, forever and ever. I'll get another dog to love because it can not escape and will love me because I feed it. Fuck all of it. I am sick and tired of trying to make sense of it anymore. I don't get it and I never will. My heart is a gaping. sticky wound in the center of my chest, sandpappered and scraped open by too much hoping and misplaced over-confidence. Time to duck-tape that fucker closed again.

Just music for now....

Good Advice

Okay, so the weekend went by incredibly quickly. There was some stuff on Friday that pissed me off, but we are back to our creamy smooth center once more.

The drive was windy and slightly exhausting, but nothing special. I always have a pretty good time if I'm taking a trip with K, she is good easy company and we have the same sense of humor which makes things a lot better. Plus the weather in general was really pretty darn sweet for October. Grandma had a nice time we hung out and went shopping and just generally were together. She is doing well. Sister A showed up because the laundry machines in her dorms broke, so it was nice to also have her there. We kept things low-key. Then came back today around 4pm. So, I still pretty much have my night to myself before the whole 'back to work' thing tomorrow.

Sometimes with the whole blog thing I like to pass on some good advice or what-not that was passed to me. Recently I got extremely over-stressed out and had a couple of days when I did not get enough sleep which brought on a bout of facial leprosy in my nose (a cold sore for the uninitiated to my blog). I hate them. HATE them. They hurt and look horrifying and I did nothing promiscuous or dirty to get them. Anyway, when it started to show, there was a lovely woman at my work who stopped me and said 'Have you tried L-lysine for your cold sore?' I was like, "Tried what?" She explained that she took a supplement for it and that it helped her immensely. Then, proving that some people really are just nice people, the next day she brought in a whole bottle of it and some info she had printed off the internet about it for me, without even being asked. So, I figured I had nothing really to lose and took some on Saturday. Now, I have tried a bunch of creams and supplements all of them either made it worse or didn't do anything. This stuff has made it nearly disappear in one day. I'm not kidding. So, I am passing it on. This works. I am taking it everyday now. And anyone who gets these should be taking it too. No joke.

So, I guess that is really a positive thing. I wanted other people to know. It is nice to be able to do something about it now, rather than just be habitually humiliated and embarrassed about my face for weeks at a time. I have a pretty face and I should be able to be proud of that.