A Bit Overwhelming...



Good Lord, today was a long one. Part of it, well most of it is that I have been with my family all weekend. I mean I worked tonight, but sometimes that is more peaceful than being at home. I love them, they are great people, but it really is kind of...I don't know, exhausting. Today was my niece's second b-day party, as well, so kids everywhere.

Last night the BF met me for coffee then we went back to his house and watched this really funny show call 'Clone High' for a couple of hours. It was hilarious and the time with him just seemed to fly by, so when I got in the car and it was pasted 1am I was alittle surprised. I made him tell me all about the house he's building in Minecraft, and you can kind of tell he thinks I really hate the game --which I don't --but, (and this is hard for a grown woman to admit) I do tend to get a little jealous of the time it gets as opposed to the time I get, which is probably the root of why most girls don't like them. I could honestly care less unless it means he's not getting enough sleep or that should be time spent with me. I game quite a bit myself --my tattoo is from a video game so I can't be too much of a hater. I was once again struck by how handsome and considerate he was on our Friday date. Sweet, sweet boy.

It has been nice to see my grandma and everyone, I may cry woe about it, but they can be a very good time. Tomorrow morning we are all meeting at IHOP for breakfast. It will be early -very early. Which is kind of good cuz I will get to come home and take a nap before work which I will also be doing tomorrow. Then interview Monday, work Tuesday, work Wednesday, date either Thursday or Friday. Gonna be a busy one, but it should be good stuff. We shall see. :)

Garden of Smells Thursday

Ah, where to start --today was a super busy one. Cleaned the room, did some laundry, filled out about a mile of government paperwork for my student loans, e-mailed people. Oh, so my parents are going to be in town starting tomorrow and going until Sunday. They are here for my niece's second b-day party which is Saturday. I can't say as I am thrilled about this as they have been in town for like the last three weekends straight and a couple of times during those weeks, as well. Feel very much like because we can keep a clean house we are used as 'Home Base' while they are in town, which can be slightly inconvenient at times.

Also, had my telephone interview with unnamed insurance company today and they invited me to an in-person interview at 1pm on Monday. I am totally excited and can not wait to impress them with my insurance talents. As previously mentioned I want a desk job so bloody badly I can taste it and we inch ever closer to that goal.

Found out the bestie will be in town for her b-day in August, now need to keep schedule open so we can do some hanging out that week --which, if I am starting a new job could be a bit difficult, but manageable I think. Very exciting.

Also, made dinner, which was a not great, but not bad spaghetti for the BF, who came over to watch some anime with me tonight. OMG that boy smelled so damn delicious I had a tough time keeping my hands to myself, I kid you not. My sense of smell is not great as I smoke alot, but every once in a while it just hits where I can smell like a wolf --usually it is indeed boys. Like that lovely smelling manager at Zen's who wore Burberry Weekend for Men (yes, please, shake me another martini) or there was an attorney who wore Armani (boy, did I want into his legal briefs) and really...tonight my BF who smelled awesome, I have no idea what he was wearing but he left it all over my bed and I am going nuts, people. Clever, clever boy. It could just be me, but wow I just want to press my face all over his shirt and sniff him like a scratch n' sniff all night long. Powerful thing, that sense of smell, when it works, I guess. --Oh, and cuddle, I'm crazy hormone girl and I want to cuddle my BF like he is a big, strong teddy bear. (Jeez, lame, lame, lame, I know.) Sigh.

GOOD things!

Is this not just the sweetest song. I sent it right to my BF in an e-mail, because I am sappy like that. We have a 'come over and watch a movie' date tomorrow night. I am looking forward to seeing him even though my facial leprosy is gross and I am feeling b*tchy and unattractive. Perhaps, I will simply go with a full on veil and tell him veils are totally in style now so I am just being trendy. Really, there is nothing like a horrific cold sore to really make you look at yourself and go, "Uh, yeah, I may have a couple glaring faults and flaws you should know about." Not that I'm a skank or get cold sores because of youthful skankery. My mom gets them, I got them from my mom. Yeah, there is something so very wrong about saying that. But, whatever, and they are not the STD kind that Tiffany has. God, there is just no excuse good enough on that, is there? Sigh.

Anyway, this blog is about good things. Like the nice, easy day I had at work. Or the fabulous call from an unnamed insurance company asking for a telephone interview tomorrow. Hooray! Interview! I am really excited about that one and hope/pray that it goes super well. I want a desk job so bad I can taste it. Please, please, please give me a job. I will work so hard for you, so very, very hard. And I will dress up every single day --everyday. And come in at 5am. Promise.

And tonight I am taking D to get her things at Walmart as we did not get that done on Monday. It should be very pleasant and I am looking forward to seeing her. Plus, my bestie is giving me some really lovely vintage coasters. How cool is that? Very cool. Ice cold, in fact. So, good things all around. And I am being super positive and super grateful for all the good, positive things that are happening. So, tomorrow I have to fill our a bunch of student loan paperwork, telephone interview at 3pm, BF comes over at 6pm for date. Seems like a very good and full day. If we just keep things going like this that will be just fine with me. :)

Crabby

So, I can go on an on about fighting and continuing to win, but some days, Gheesh, it is really difficult to keep a positive view on things. Today is one of those days. I'm just not feeling it. I am really, really grumpy. Which means I have spun myself a cocoon of self-loathing, panic, and unhappiness in which I am currently languishing.

And not that I am saying it makes me crazy, but I am kind of PMS-ing today too. For some reason the stress has manifested physically on my face in large patch of heinous leprosy (which always makes it hard to leave the house anyway). So, I don't feel like I look even normal --let alone pretty. Then problem after problem. Nothing huge, you know, just small stuff that like a grain of sand in your sneaker feels like a boulder after about a day.

On a positive note, I did get some things accomplished with my student loans, although not totally positive things they did need to be handled and did come out rather mediocre. And I do have mind-numbing work this evening so I will be out doing something, making money. I'm just slightly irritated with scrambling and scrapping together money to have it disappear in a large puff of green smoke. WTF! I'm not gonna say I am great at handling my own finances, I really have never excelled with my own money --but, I was fairly good at handling other peoples money. It is just so frustrating -you save, and clip coupons, and deny yourself things you want for things you need --for so very long and then puff. Puff, puff, puff-a-roo. Gone. So, it's back to begging, borrowing, or stealing again. And really, the best part is that no one really gives a crap about you begging, borrowing, and stealing --because they have it just as bad. We can't stand another sob story, we've got our own to cry about.

I'm just moody. It will pass. It is slightly comforting to know that the world keeps turning, that no matter how bad I feel -somewhere someone feels worse, that you can't get blood from a stone. So, we make ourselves as stone and keep rocking and rolling.

Adorable

Okay, so....I have no idea if the incredibly sneaky BF read the blog last night or just really finished with work, but I got an e-mail like twenty minutes afterward that he had completed his work stuff and what time he had left in the night was mine. How sweet? Unfortunately, I was all ready for bed by then and really, kind of blocked into my parking space. So, I gave him the go ahead to play video games. And went to bed, where I had weird dreams of all the past jobs I had ever had all rolled into one huge job of putting clothing and videos away then forcing litigation on customers for touching the put away stuff. "Don't you touch that! I just put that away God damn it, now I'm totally suing you."

Had lunch with sister K at Olive Garden. Picked up free panties from Victoria Secret and some Orange Ginger Shampoo and Conditioner.

So, think these ones only, in pink and another set that are like this blue with white polka dots. I will blog more, but my family just showed up (surprise) so I need to go hang with them for a while.

Okay, so hours and hours later --yeah, it was a nice time with the folks. Sister R managed to drop enough drama on us to throw everyone's schedule off. So, I didn't even get to take D to Walmart -we had to move that to Wednesday and my parents took my niece for four days to babysit. It's all hard to explain and believe me you wouldn't really care to know. My mom did drop off a box of scrapbooking stuff she had gotten at a garage sale recently for me and it is full of very cool stuff, so thanks, Mom. But, I am bloody exhausted. Entertaining ten people is tough work. Even the dog passed out at 9pm when they left. Passed out. Sheesh. So, I am going to bed now, too. Gotta work tomorrow. Will make concerted effort to stay positive and nice to people this week. That is the goal. Go, go gadet nice-ness.

G.A.G. Membership Reinstatement

So, Date night tonight was dinner and a movie. I really wanted to see Captain America and we did. We went to Qdoba for dinner first, honestly, as far as Mexican food goes it was not bad.

The movie was good. I thought it was very solid and (for a superhero movie) not totally over the top unbelievable. Chris Evans was good, so were Stanley Tucci and Hugo Weaving. Not Tommy Lee Jones --it seemed like they had him in the film primarily to deliver some of the corniest one liners that the movie writers could come up with, delivered as dryly as possible. But, as a whole really not bad, I enjoyed it thoroughly --even though, as usual, some tall-ass guy sat in front of me and kept leaning forward so his head was squarely in the middle of my screen and five minutes before the start some other guy comes and sits next to me so I couldn't use my left armrest, which I really like doing. The BF was slightly more cynical about it finding quite a few faults with the movie even though he said he liked it too. Scale of one to ten, it hits a respectable 8 from me. And the PS was an actual preview for the new Avengers movie so make sure you stay for it. It was very cool and something I will definitely be attending.

So, on the whole the date was also positive, but (and you should have known this one was coming) whilst getting tickets the BF lets me know that he has to go into work late night after the movie. This would not be so bad, or as slightly unbelievable, if I did not know that he had started playing Minecraft on Friday (all night Friday) and Saturday night until 2:30 am. Sure, it is indeed feasible that he has to go fix blah, blah, blah, but it is a 50-50 shot he headed back to his house to game until the wee hours of the morning. Not that he would fib about that sort of thing, but....come on. No, I trust him, I do. It simply miffs me just slightly as I was planning on getting him someplace quiet, wrestling his clothes off, and using my feminine wiles to hold him hostage until breakfast. I even had some new moves and pajamas I was gonna show him.

Aren't those bloody adorable? I think they are. Obviously not so adorable that they could pull a man away from video games...errr, I mean, work. Sigh. Video Games, you have won this battle, but the war shall be mine as I fight rather underhandedly you will find.

Also, when I got home, Roommate T finally got his school truck and new neighbors are night moving into duplex that shares parking with us, which caused me not to have a place to park. So, I had to go inside and have everyone move their cars/trucks so I could get enough space to park. It was a pain the ass and pissed off sister K, so she was grumpy afterwards. Awesome. Plus, now we, or I rather, have to go talk to the new neighbors about parking. "You stay on your side of the railroad tie in the ground and I will stay on my side and we can both get out of our cars without hassle." Unless they decide to be a$$holes about it, which is the same 50/50 shot as everything else. Either way, parking has resurrected itself as an issue in my life which sucks.

All of this has led to a chest full of anxiety and just a bit of heartburn from the Mexican food. Splendid. Now, I need to come up with a date for Thursday. When I told the BF he should not try to invite me over to watch him play Minecraft, he threw back that it has some sort of multi-player option. Thinking about reinstating my membership in Girlfriends Against Gaming, or GAG, --as I was once a founding member.

A Sad One, for Poor Amy

When I think of the saddest songs ever, the ones that make me ache in the chest because they call up the utter hopelessness, that trapped lonely youth, this is the first one on the list. Every time I hear it, which is rarely for years on end, but then it pops up on the radio or in a store, it still hits like a hammer. It means a lot to me personally, so I'm sharing it because...well, I don't know, perhaps something just struck me funny.

Today it's dedicated to a sad human joke, Amy Whinehouse. Yeah, I know she was ridiculous. But, she died at 27 and the world just watched her do it. That is what I can't understand. That we all don't seem to get the fact that some people, people around us or on the TV, need help sometimes --they're just people too. It makes me furious that we all knew she was some kind of freaked out alcoholic drug addicted anorexic kid -and we all pointed and laughed while we watched her crash and burn. I mean is that what humanity has sunk to, at this point? We hole up in our suburban homes and watch the blurred lines of the nightlight TV, and no body takes this girl by that snarl she called hair and locks her up until she can get straight? I suppose not.

By the same token, would I have done it, had I been there? Interesting question. Perhaps. I'd like to think that I would, but who knows. It's just sad. Like all that crap happening in Norway. When I read an article about it they said the suspect was alittle extreme, but didn't seem dangerous blah, blah, blah. Really? So, his friends aren't going to start coming out of the woodwork to say things like, "There was this one time he did mention...yada, yada, yada." Because I am sick and tired of that shit. As friends and family we have a responsibility to watch our people damn it. To simply know that -if a family member is a drug abuser we should keep an eye on them, perhaps make them go to rehab (sorry, Amy) or that if our friend is extreme in his views he does not have access to firearms and fertilizer (or if he gets more than is needed for his yard we help him dispose of the excess rather than have it show up in a bomb that killed people). I mean really, isn't that simple common sense?

I guess what I am really advocating is that 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'. If I thought someone I knew was about to go off the deep end -I would step in, I would do something even if it seemed like the wrong thing at the time. People are simply people. We go crazy sometimes, we need help and are afraid to ask sometimes, it is just the way we work. So, watch, and watch closely -be understanding and helpful and compassionate -and if strength is needed then muster strength and act. Be a good person and help other people to be good people too. I know, easier said than done, right, but I believe in you people. Alright, I'll climb down from my soapbox. I don't usually post this kind of rhetoric, but today I just felt very compelled. Because someone should be saying this--reason dictates that it be said.