painting

Couldn't sleep last night for some reason. Didn't fall asleep until 3am. Then had to get up at 6:30am to get to Walmart and buy paint supplies for D's new studio apartment. She is super excited to start living in her little 20 X 20 cell. She wanted to paint it a grey-greenish color called Warm Stone (which actually looked like cold cement to me) but I convinced her to got with a warm yellow-ish beige and leave all the trim white. It looks really nice. Everything pops.

Including my back and my neck and my ankles. I am exhausted. Totally.

On a happy note. Mom bought me some 'date' underwear, which is just silly and funny, and a new sketch book with pencils. I am super excited about both. It was very nice of her to do that at all. She already got us MacDonald's for breakfast. Thanks, Mom!

Anyway, attitude is still positive, although exhausted, absolutely exhausted. Taking well deserved nap. :P

Sometimes I'm an....

So, K & T came home and brought me a bottle of Moscato and a big fat carrot cake. A delicious carrot cake and an even more delicious wine. D apologized for her lack of forethought regarding having to babysit, which she did not even get paid for. So, we drank and hung out and laughed. Especially considering that Mom and sister A were supposed to go straight to the hotel room, which was kind of a relief. Kind of.

But, they didn't. They showed up at 8pm. And we had all been drinking and oddly, it was a much more pleasant experience than I have had family-wise in a while. And we talked and laughed and had a nice visit. Even when R showed up and tried to interject into the conversation about her trip to the emergency room and we all, being already fully saturated with the liquid despair of her life, ignored it and kept having a nice time.

So, I'm not angry anymore. Tomorrow, after a full day of painting, we will see if my attitude is still as content and full of nice feelings -and wine.Who knows? It could be fun.

Oh, and about five seconds ago, I got a confirmation on a coffee date for next Thursday at 7pm (secret spy cheerleaders welcome to attend, in secret of course, to cheer me on) with a hot 29 yr old nerd god.

Hoo-F***ing-Ray!

Angry Day

Yeah, we (as in the royal we) had an angry day today. What is an angry day, you ask. Well, simply put, it is a day when no matter how normal or regular or uneventful things are they make you completely filled with RAGE.

That's correct. Everyone has them, they are in fact completely normal to have. I'm normally a very laid back, composed, sane member of this planet. Today, I just had to bite a big f-ing hole in my lip to remain that way. And no one is exempt from an angry day --I was angry about the stupidest things. A lack of date e-mails when I've been getting nearly two a day for the past two days, a lack of funds to do anything with, a lack of companionship (when normally being alone would be fine), a lack of concern, a lack of good music to listen to, a lack of creative juices to help me write. Every little thing pissed me off.

I totally know that this stuff should not bother me. I know it should not bother me when my roommates have some money and go out to eat (even though when I had $ I had to buy food for everyone). I know that I should not be angry at my sister D for going over to babysit sister R's baby without telling anyone so I had to call her before the buses stopped running, thinking she'd been killed because she was an hour late from work. I shouldn't be mad at R for asking her to babysit as she has to take her piece of sh*t, painkiller popping, baby daddy to the hospital because he's been in 'pain' all day long and needs pain medicine. I shouldn't be absolutely inconvenienced by the fact that R's drama only seems to happen when my parents are coming to town --which they are later this evening. Nor should I really feel totally put out by the fact the T & K pretty much left the house so they would not have to deal with them, which is awesome.

So, yeah, I'm angry. Very, very angry. Things with my family never seem to be simple anymore, which makes me not even want to talk to them. Any of them. And I know that sounds awful, which then makes me feel guilty, because I love my family, I really do. But, sometimes they make me certifiably crazy.

Uh, oh, I think that might make me 'Bi-Winning'.

Nightmares

Hi, people still reading this. So, this trying to date thing...monstrous. I previously told you about 'Plenty of Douche bags.com' and how unappetizing the selection was and lecherous and not serious, etc. So, I researched and researched and there is a free alternative. OKCupid. The blog commenter was male and said that he used Plenty of Tail to get laid every weekend that it was pretty 50/50 girls looking for relationships and girls looking for a good time and that OKCupid was more 75/25 relationships to party girls.

So, I gambled. I put real effort and thought into my profile. Doing good current photos and sending fun honest e-mails. And yes, there is still the initial 'pretty boys who don't know they are assholes' and 'jailbait freak boys looking for easy girls', but I have to say I was impressed with the offering. I managed to find at least seven dudes in my area that had all put a great deal of time into their profiles, who were funny and reasonable looking. Yes, things on the dating site are still remarkably lookist, but I ended up having one full e-mail conversation with a TA at UNL and got a offer to have coffee next week from (a younger than me) IT professional intown. --Note, I did not have to lower my standards on this, so I felt pretty giddy.

Which prompted...dun, dun, dun....the second night of horrifying dreams about my EX. Now, my sister K, being extremely insightful, pointed out that I only attempt dating when I feel like I am in some kind of a crisis, i.e. my joblessness thing right now. So, it seems to be a physical manifestation of desperation. I get it. So, the physical manifestation of my dating regrets crawls right back into my bed, so to speak, I mean the dreams. It's not as cool as the movies, but I really only have one evil X.

The dreams have been really bad the last two nights like I wake-up sweating and my heart is racing like I had a heart attack in my sleep. He doesn't do anything, per say. But, in the first one he showed up in a park, looking happy, with his new wife, who looked pretty, and pushing a baby in a stroller. Yuck. but, in my dream I'm all mad and wistful, creepy lady. Last night we had a fight, him and me and his wife, about the fact that he stole my 20's and made me pay for his school and debts so he could cheat on me and run. I never won an argument with this guy, never, and last night was no exception. I woke up feeling bad that I had yelled at him. Sickening. Arrghh.

So, I am going to pin him up right here on this blog page and not think about it. I am an awesome person with much to still offer the dating world, if I don't get all nervous and f-it up with one of my excellent character flaws. I think it also has something to do with Spring, I get restless for love in the Spring, and maybe that I'm ovulating, because that was totally painful like the eggs I produce now are genetic balls of broken glass still tripping the life fantastic down the wavy, balloon arm guy of my reproductive system. Oh, well. Onwards and Upwards, right?

The State

Today is gonna have to be a quick one as I have a bunch of things to do. But, I have an interesting fact for ya. How long does it take to appy for a job with the State? Well, two weeks to submit an application and answer supplimental questionaire.

So, I've already waited those two weeks and really I'm getting kind of anxious about it so I e-mail them and ask how long the process take and maybe what the steps are. I am respectful and polite. The answer recieved back two days after the e-mails say that the step of having the agency who wants you call you to set up an interview is a....wait for it....3 to 5 week process. To call to set up an interview.

So, with a heavy sigh and unemployment sitting on my shoulder like a pirate with a parrot, I am submitting other applications again today. I am starting to get just a little tired of things not working out. It would be nice to catch a break on something, just a little thing.

Not the end of the world of course, but there were also difficulties with my FASFA recently due to me paying off some loan interest. For some reason when I filled it out it said I was poor, because naturally unemployed people are poor. So, it turned out really well, I was up for Pell and more access to better loans, but then I get an e-mail yesterday that says due to information recieved from NDSL, my expected family contribution if now over 8K. What in the heck? So, I get to call them both and that should be massively fun.

Yep. If the powers that be could cut me just a little slack it would be much appreciated. Totally appreciated.

Plenty of Douche Bags

Yeah, okay. So, last night I was writing right along and felt a little lonely. What does a single attractive girl do when she is lonely at 2:33am? Well, she checks the 'Plenty of Fish' inbox she has been ignoring for the last six months because she had better things to do. I am well aware that as a free site, this is stinky fishy in every way possible. But, I'm still unemployed, so my options are limited.

So, I troll around. Scraping the bottom of the barrel really looking to see if someone dropped something worthy of being saved. I know that I shouldn't do this. I know that even being 'on-line' at this time of the night is giving these drooling internet pornographers the wrong idea. I have some real issues with this site. I have the option on my messages to block people who's relationship status is 'married' from e-mailing me. That's right, I'm sorry, if you are already married, no, I do not want to date you, you cheating freak. Call me picky. And what is worse, is the now there is a big red hyperlink at the bottom of every screen that is for 'Sex Personals'. Really? Dang, that is quality.

Oh, and Mr. 'I'm too attractive to be on this site, but I'm alone anyway', how about you remind me about a million times in your 'About Me' section that there has to be 'chemistry' or 'physical attraction' for a relationship to work. Obviously, it's done wonders for you, up to this point. And even if I am willing to accept your extremely narcissitic character flaw, that place where you describe how you'd like your dates to go and you say "I like quick and dirty. So, a quick coffee and a ****, about 45 minutes..." kind of turned me off. Wow, I now understand that the astericks part of the evening will be unsatisfying and over quickly, because getting coffee takes at least thirty minutes. Not impressed.

Now, all this written posturing is easy to wade through, sincerely it is. However, the real crappy part is when you find a semi-attractive guy, who says he's normal, who describes himself funny and piques the interest of an intelligent girl, such as myself. (Because his profile really was kind of sweet funny.) So, I take the time to e-mail him and get no reply at all. Which causes critical introspection and unrelenting self loathing for even attempting to do this again, when we tell everyone we are really very happy being by ourselves. See, I even busted out the royal 'we' in that last sentence. Sad, really.

It's like me shopping for a cell phone. I don't really need a cell phone, my life is fine without a cell phone. But, all my friends have cell phones and sometimes they do really cool things. So, yeah, I suppose I'll go to Best Buy and look wistfully at all the different models of cell phones and their complicated plans. And yeah, I'm a little waffly about signing a contract with my cell phone, as those are hard to get out of, but you do seem to get better service if you do that rather then pay-as-you-go. Hmmm. But, I have no money to get a cell phone, so I guess I can just look around on the ground for one or pick up an old one my friend is no longer using, but come on, they are not as good as getting a new one myself.

In closing, take the previous paragraph and replace the word 'cell phone' with the word 'boyfriend' and we've just about sumed things up. God, that's slightly depressing.

Chocolate Defeat

Okay, so I applied to be an 'editor' for an on-line web article writing website thing the other day. Just to make articles about certain subjects once a week. They wanted fifteen ideas for articles and an article over 400 words. So, I took a could of hours and pushed one out as I would love to add the word 'editor' to my resume and to give my still awaiting books some credibility. However, just got an e-mail back my article sucked and 'thank you, but no thank you'. I know rejection is a regular part of writing, but it is a sucky part. So, now my blog readership, of one, gets to read the article, because I did take the time to write it so --everyone suffers.

--My Favorite Chocolates --

‘Chocolate’, it is a word that inspires us. It reminds us of picked through Russell Stover’s heart shaped boxes and tore up Hersey’s bar wrappers stuffed under our mattresses. Whether we think of it as a guilty pleasure, a dietary adversary, or our very best friend, we all have some kind of relationship with Chocolate.

Mine is a deep, passionate, loving kind of relationship. We have searched and searched for the perfect chocolate. It is the warm, buttery melting on the tongue at just the right temperature, the fine subtle thread in a warm cup of coffee, or the great semi-sweet edge at the end of a bite of the perfect chocolate cake. It does exist. It is out there simply awaiting the discerning taste buds of a choco-lover, such as yourself.

So, like a great treasure hunter, we stalk the grocery store isles and plowed through the Internet to bring to you these little gems.

The round Lindt Lindor Truffle wrapped in its ultra shiny tin wrapper resembles a Christmas ornament fallen from the tree. It hints at the taste explosion hidden in this small chocolate bomb. These have a low melting temperature so when you put it into your mouth it melts and envelopes the tongue with a rich flavor. The Milk Chocolate is one of our favorites, although they come in Dark Chocolate, White Chocolate, and Cookies & Crème, as well. These are Swiss chocolate, by the way.

Ah, the wonderful center of the Ferrero Rocher, notable for the creamy chocolate lovingly hiding the crunch of a whole hazelnut. Extremely delicious. It is also worth knowing that this Italian sweet comes in many different varieties, including a lemon crème filled and a strawberry crème filled, called Ferrero Garden.

Chocolove Candy bars are an up and comer for a very important reason. People love chocolate. This Colorado candy bar loves people back. Each Candy bar (in flavors like Almonds & Sea Salt in Dark Chocolate and Coffee Crunch in Dark Chocolate) comes wrapped in a love poem. How sweet is that? Literally?

See’s Candies has been making incredibly good candy since 1921. We recommend trying the See’s Chocolate Truffle variety box as it is both affordable and irresistible. The See’s motto is “Quality Without Compromise” and your can taste it. They have a truffle that tastes like blueberry muffins! The lemon truffle is citrus and tangy, perfectly mixed with the chocolate truffles. If you get a box of these you will not want to share, but do anyway as they will impress even the most jaded chocolate snob.

Wait, Ferrero, again? That’s right. We must sincerely insist you try a Kinder Bueno. We bet you thought this one was German chocolate because ‘Kinder’ is German for ‘children’. Or perhaps you thought it was Spanish because ‘Bueno’ is Spanish for ‘good’. But, this is Italian chocolate. And it is amazing. The Bueno is a candy bar so good is it wrapped like a cigar. It is a wafer bar filled with hazelnut crème and coated in chocolate. We love these so much we encourage you to order them by the case on Amazon (as there are only a few stores in the US currently that sell them).

There you have it. Maybe some of your favorites made the list, maybe they didn’t. We would love to know if you have a chocolate candy favorite that we should be trying. If you have not tried one on the list, look for it. A little bit of chocolate does the mind, body, and heart good.

--Yeah, so there you have it. It's not fabulous, but I thought it was okay. On to other things. ;)