Cheering up --slightly.

So, last night I was feeling down. I know, right now, you are thinking to yourself, if you follow this blog, that I go from up to down pretty quickly. It happens to a lot of people actually, so stop thinking I'm bi-polar or something, dear reader.

In order to attempt to recover some of my ultra bruised self confidence, I stopped writing for a day and just went back and read a few things I have written, but have yet to publish. And ya know what? They were good. Really good. I finished reading, making a couple edits as I went, and felt very accomplished. They are good, they are worth reading and God damn it I am going to get this stuff published --whether anyone other then my friends and family read them is the world's stupid problem.

I've even decided I don't give a shit if I make any money doing it anymore. I'm not gonna stop and I'm not gonna let this ever depressing, ever crappy planet of people hinder me. It has taken me nearly 33 years to find out this is what I want to be doing, so it doesn't make any difference if I'm good at it right now. Things worth doing well are worth practicing. I would not sit down to a piano and expect to play simply because I love piano music. Maybe this writing thing is like that, too.

So, while I'm feeling fiery about it, I'm blogging it to ya. I shall conquer with persistence and tenacity, no matter what happens. My books are fun, inspiring, romantic, funny, and good. Someday the whole world will know. Or maybe like four people. Whatever.

That means I am back on my story again. See ya on the other side of a cover, bitches.

Re-Focusing on What Matters

Sorry about not blogging for a while. I have had my mind wrapped up in my own problems for a while. That's right, friends, I was depressed as I have been relegated to Justin Bieber's mistress, as he was seen in public with this new girlfriend, Selene 'I'm a total slut' Gomez. Yeah, I know, heartbreaking.

I know that he, of course, still loves me as he sings me songs that can only be written specifically for me and dances our special dance moves while he's on tour. I also know that he is super famous and must therefore protect me from the lime light by pretending to go out with other thumb-sucking Mouseketeers and like it, but you know he doesn't want to. He'd rather be with me curled up on a couch discussing famous masterworks of art over a nice glass of pinot noir, while I finally get that God damn hair out of his face with my hand.

And it's true, sometimes he still wets the bed, yeah, he's young, it happens. But, he simply hands me his gold card and begs me not to tell anyone. Plus, it is kind of statutory of me to be with him anyway, so we wait and laugh about how squeaky clean Britany Spears seemed to be when she got famous --still a virgin, sure, we believed you. ha, ha.

Anyway, like I said, I was feeling kind of depressed about it so I didn't blog for awhile. But, then some other no talent twelve year old reminded me how lucky I am by writing a fabulous song for me. So here is the link. Listen to it yourself so you know what it is like for me --because I am not his girlfriend, I just totally sleep with him and spend his money. So, I'm more like a super naughty nanny or something.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP1WqkqDcpo&feature=player_embedded

Chocolate Pudding

Yes, that's right, today's blog is about pudding. Pudding is delicious. It is awesome and makes a fine dessert.

Honestly, that's all I got.

I knew I should have gotten a Tauntaun instead....

Finally finished my Cyberpunk story. Started 10/2010, finished 3/2011. Dang. I love Sci-fi, but I am not sure I am that great writing in the genre. I have a couple other Sci-fi stories started, but I am never quite sure if they are good.

It's like I tell my little fan-fic friend --I would never write fan-fic because I can't write in someone else's world. I need the control. I am God in my fiction. It is a wonderful, heady feeling of power. Which can only be properly foiled with the feeling of utter powerlessness when you have a block or get stuck. Or you want to make something happen, but the rules you have already plot pointed prevent you from doing so.

I really do love Sci-fi stuff, but then you run the risk of having to develope like a whole universe and people ask you ridiculous questions like "Why would you use a lazer blah, blah, blah, aliens, yada, yada, yada, rebel alliance?" And I don't know if I'm prepared for that yet. That is why I like urban fantasy and cyber punk. Because everyone know what things are like now or were like recently. I am a lazy god.

Anyway, back to the writing grindstone. I'd like to actually finish another couple of things soon. I was writing something really good about a high school return type romance, but it is halfway done and already as many words as my first novel and that is bad --you heard me, bad. So, I dropped it until I can come up with a way to cut my verbose free writing approach. Sigh.

Then there's cover designs. I have the cover for my first book, but I want to publish the stories first so I am trying to get the covers for the stories. -Then it will be on to copyrighting, ISBNs, and UPCs. and that is all money so --on to making money, I guess. Well, paying money to maybe sell a couple copies. Gheesh.

Write or Die!

Okay, so I am writing today's blog, about writing. Because I got stuck. Not like writers block, more like writer's overload. I have a story I need to finish. Need -to finish. It is so close I can taste it, but I find I am never in the right frame of mind to do it. Then I have about four others that I need to work on. And last night I got an idea for a new one.

It's killing me, I'm having writer's ADD. It's like trying to get a guy on a first date to listen to the average girl he took out, when they are having dinner at a strip club. Impossible.

Plus, I am having a physical on Thursday for my new job and I rented 'the Crimson Tide' to watch this week, if you know what I'm saying. Urrghh. And I gotta go get the car re-licensed and do a bunch of laundry and etc, etc. The list goes on. It is incredibly frustrating. Also, my little graphic designer has started working with me on the cover for the second book and I am just not open to ideas right now, so I know she is getting it like a pie in the face every time we discuss something. I am trying not to let it get the best of me but, I am in a foul mood today and everything smells funny. Including me.

So, I pray not for serenity, I pray for concentration, inspiration, and chocolate.

You Gotta Have A J-O-B, If You Wanna Be With Me.

Thank you business writing class for your assistance with an awesome cover letter. Thank you classy ladies for the spectacular references. I have been tenatively hired at St. E's for the part time job that I totally wanted.

I am trying to be really excited about it. Honestly, it is comforting, but bye, bye easy life of writing as a professional loafer/writer. I know it won't be bad. I really do and it will give me an excuse to get up and get showered before noon. And to wear pretty business casual clothing, which I love to do.

And income, would be a good thing. I am excited about income.

Now I just got to fill out 80 yards of paperwork giving them every detail of my life on paper. Sigh. Back to the cosmos of paperwork. Don't let it fool ya, I totally love paperwork, too. ;)

Holla Back!

Alright so, I was reading a friend's very interesting, super fun blog today and she raised the question of 'bad music' or people whose musical taste has never changed throughout their lives. It really made me think. I love music. I love all kinds of music. Recently I was writing on something and it has flashbacks that require me to think about some of the music I was listening to out in BFE when I was in high school and I have had a wonderful time tracking down some of the hot tracks I was listening to at the time.

Even with a radio station that played nothing but country and trying desperately to tune in the station two hours away for some adult easy listening, I had a varied taste level. I have read many articles that say what is true in animal mating in the wild kingdom (woman attach to mates to raise children, while guys look all over the place for something to insiminate), the exact opposite has shown to be true with musical tastes and the sexes. Men tend to find that one band they love and follow them through their natrual lives, while woman are more attracted to pop music and change how much they like a band based on, maybe, one song. I found this paradox intensely interesting.

I still love pop music. I like shake you ass dance songs and easy to sing hooks. In particular with the old junk I am gathering I like how that music made me feel. Because I can remember the things they inspired. I remember the tribal like school dances, trying to bust a move. I remember the first time I went to a bar and danced and what songs they played that night. I am not a huge fan of country but I downloaded 'Fishin' In the Dark'. What a great damn song. I downloaded some Hall & Oates, some Heart, some Depeche Mode, some Duran Duran, some Black Crowes, some Eddie Money, some Indigo Girls. I put it into a playlist I call 'Old Stuff'.

And I remember singing that Eazy-E song 'Gimme that Nutt' at the top of our lungs racing down some gravel road, smoking cigarettes like we were God damn rockstars. Now that I listen to it, it is probably a little inappropriate for white high school girls, but hey. Music, what can ya do about it.

I will concur as a girl with blue eyes, I HATE that lame-ass Van Morrison song 'Brown Eyed Girl'. However, I will shake it for 'Love Shack' when it is played on the musak at Walmart. And if it's 'Piano Man' or 'No Myth', I actually drop my packages and sing and dance right there in the store. ;)